Entries for October, 2006

Posted by princess_bride on October 2, 2006 at 09:04 AM | 3 danced with me
sorry - 1 : feeling sorrow , regret, or penitence

if one regrets what he has done, then does that mean that he will not do it again? but what if he does? what does it mean?

1) he really didn't mean it in the first place
2) he forgot he did it to you in the past (duh!)
3) you are a sucker for always hoping for the best

well, maybe i am being overly sensitive. but if it was done to you more than two times then i guess that's something else. i don't know i just got tired of the excuses. or even for making me feel like crap most of the time.

i really tried to be nice about it. but people have to learn from their mistakes. and someone has to tell them they are making them. or else things will never change. and other people might get hurt in the future if no one would care enough to let one know abt a friends fault.

okey i'm not trying to wash my hands off. i have my share of crappy days as well. but i don't remember making friends suffer because of it. the height of insensitivity talaga! i could rant abt this forever. not because i wanted attention but because i cared enough to be a friend. (if i am really considered one...now that's another story altogether)

i don't know if its just me. nagbago na ba ang meaning ng "sorry" or ng "friendship". someone please enlighten me...

Currently listening to: paano - shamrock
Currently feeling: annoyed
Posted by princess_bride on October 2, 2006 at 08:53 PM | 2 danced with me

If shame had a face I think it
would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

So when will this end it goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kinda thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

Currently feeling: restless
Posted by princess_bride on October 5, 2006 at 08:56 AM | dance with me
Posted by princess_bride on October 9, 2006 at 10:39 AM | dance with me
(Rascal Flatts)

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you


i love this song. the live video is currently playing on my friendster.
Posted by princess_bride on October 9, 2006 at 03:36 PM | 2 danced with me
bloghoppin today, caught up a site referred by my sis literati. reading thru batJay's journal is truly refreshing. i like his writing style. totoong totoo at walang halong kaplastikan o pagpapacute. sa sobrang galing magsulat he came out with a book recently. i'd like to get a copy. of course i am not paid to promote this. natutuwa lang ako sa gawa nya. hehehe. try to drop by. and you will surely enjoy reading thru.

on another note, it seems that everybody is leaving for abroad. most of my closest friends are already in different parts of the world. not to mention more than half of my Dad's siblings are also scattered around the globe. ako na lang ata ang hindi nakakalabas ng bansa. in fact, i don't even have a passport. narealize ko lang, lahat sa amin (my parents and my siblings) already experienced going out of the country. ako sa sobrang dedication ko sa trabaho, i passed up so many opportunities in the past to leave the country.

minsan naiisip ko lang, if i did try it in the past, would i be more "happy" or satisfied right now. well its really subjective. just had a discussion with my Aunt who is staying in the US. she is offering to help me out start my life with my kids in the US. matagal na sya dun. she is working for the world bank. i dunno maybe she took it upon herself to take care of me when my dad passed away. she knows i have issues with my mom and its really very kind of her to be this concerned.

well, let's see. its not something i have to decide on in a rush. i will take my time. and finish the SAP 6 month training which will start on the 17th. the thought of being tied up to the company for 2 yrs with a bond of 200k is freaking my out. but i guess i have to risk that to be able to be more equipped in case i seek opportunities outside the country. bata pa naman ako eh. (i think! hahaha...baka batang isip)

tiny steps....its not yet time to take the leap of faith....at saka na...pag handa na ako.
Currently listening to: selling the drama - live
Currently feeling: thoughtful
Posted by princess_bride on October 11, 2006 at 11:26 AM | 2 danced with me
amazing how an 8 yr old can start composing songs. as in lyrics with the melody. my son have been consistently bragging abt 18 songs he has completed. i'd shrug him off thinking its one of those games he was playing. he loves stroking on our guitar as if he knows how to play it. never thought he was serious though.

until one time, we tried prodding him on singing one of his compositions. i was really expecting something that sounded like one of the songs i usually play on my PC when i was at home. but lo and behold, he was singing on a totally different tune. something that he originally thought abt. can't help but shed a tear. am really proud of my son.

well, i guess he got it from me. although i am not really into composing, i just love music. i have abt 2,000 songs on my PC (and growing). i can live without tv but i definitely cannot live without my music. even at work, i have my own speaker (with matching subwoofer). i turn on the volume especially when i work alone during late nights. or else i get freaked out by the weird sounds i hear around.

i regress, i think i should have my son study playing a musical instrument, maybe guitar or keyboards. since its really his passion. my only fear is he might neglect his studies. one more funny thing, he told me that he organized a "band" in school. and he is the lead singer. i forgot their name. it was foreign sounding. he just keeps surprising me with his antics. i really love my boy.
Currently listening to: blackbird - sarah mclachlan
Currently feeling: amused
Posted by princess_bride on October 12, 2006 at 02:01 PM | 3 danced with me
1) listening to old songs, classical/ instrumental, alternative, etc. (depending on the mood)

2) sincere messages (text or email) from friends or relatives checking on your well being

3) seeing my kids having fun

4) a good book/ movie/ tv series

5) a cup of coffee and a good conversation with friends

6) holding hands with a special someone

7) a smile from my crush (kilig! hahaha)

8) C2 (peach or strawberry) chocolates and ice cream (my comfort food...and super bawal for diabetics like me sighh)

9) mga lambing ng kids ko like no matter how grown up they are now they still are fighting over who's going to get to hug mama tonight until they go to sleep

10) ranting on my blogs
Currently listening to: look after you - the fray
Posted by princess_bride on October 13, 2006 at 11:05 AM | 6 danced with me
i snagged this from intruhspekt's journal. thanks for letting me borrow this.


I want to tell you everything.
I want to be moved by what you have to say.
I want to work together towards one purpose.
But you're not here.
My thoughts build up and wander in my head.
My passions stagnate and my actions lay still.
I walk alone.

This is not how I want to be.
I don't want to change for you.
I don't want to wait for you.
I don't live for you, and I never will.
You are not my greatest desire.
I hate the thought of you.
My weaknesses are prodded.
My sins exposed.

I thought silence and solitude would be my friends.
Not yet.
I thought I would grow and find strength in the desert.
I thirst.
But I don't drink the cup of water in front of me.

I want tomorrow to come,
but not if it's the same as today.

I want.

No more.
Currently listening to: say what you want - texas
Currently feeling: tired
Posted by princess_bride on October 17, 2006 at 04:37 PM | 4 danced with me
i hate it when our dispenser at the office gives me tap water instead of hot water for my morning coffee. i'm fighting my intense need for sleep today. got the chills last night, i guess its over fatigue or flu, i really don't know. my whole body's aching i had to gobble up two analgesic capsules to quickly recover from the fever. can't miss work today. two of my supervisors are on leave. sighhhh...

been thinking a lot lately. my hubby (yes we've managed to work things out for the nth time) is leaving for Dubai in a month's time. been so dependent on him when it comes to being the substitute mom when my kids need me and i need to work. he manages the household while i'm spending a minimum of 12 hours a day at work. or spending my weekends working on my sideline. everything that he does suddenly got magnified now that he's leaving.

i used to think that i lost my love for him a long time ago. we spent time apart a lot of times, but the thought of him being out of reach is freaking me out. now that i am practically alone and him being my only family around is making me really lonely. we had big fights in the past, i even left him for awhile but when we both realized how much we still feel for each other always makes us reconsider things. when we were younger i also used to think that i love him more than he does. but after our last separation, he made a 360 degree turn and showed me that he wants me back and will change for the better.

now, he loves me more than i do. and i am on my way to getting that old feeling back. it just feels so good to be loved and taken cared of. maybe the reason why my other relationships while we were apart never worked out was the fact that he's the ONLY ONE for me. cheesy? yeah, maybe....but i must say this....I LOVE HIM MORE TODAY THAN YESTERDAY....BUT NOT AS MUCH AS TOMORROW.
Currently listening to: i love u more today than yesterday - spiral staircase
Currently feeling: scared
Posted by princess_bride on October 23, 2006 at 11:03 AM | 4 danced with me
Posted by princess_bride on October 26, 2006 at 11:16 AM | 2 danced with me
been sick since that conference in tagaytay last friday. freaky coz some signs of dengue are present. i was rushed by my hubby to med city the other day to be sure that this is not the deadly disease. i even went straight to work from tagaytay last saturday and i was feeling really weak already. tried again to work last monday but had to go on undertime as i felt like i was going to pass out. good i was able to make it home and was taken cared of by my good friend allyn.

i am now still at home a bit better. taking medications given by the doctor. a strong antibiotic, paracetamol for the fever and ibuprofen for the muscle pain. the flu strain can manifest in different forms these days. its getting scary every year. i should've listened to my doc to have flu vaccine shots. sometimes i'd like to think i am invincible. silly me.

the idle moments gets me thinking. okey maybe sometimes overanalyzing again. i have backed out from the SAP configuration training. after reading the contract i couldn't take the 2 and 1/2 years of bond and 200k fee if i resign within the bonding period. the contract was so one-sided. and it practically pissed me off.

it got me thinking....why am i working my ass off for a company who don't even care about the people who work for them? all they are concerned abt is income. what's the point of killing myself for work when it is proven that if someone dies in the line of duty they won't even care about your medical bills? too selfish! and too inhuman.

i have started sending my resume out again. i don't think i could be happy in this kind of environment. i have sacrificed time for my family already. and i am not getting any younger. acknowledging the importance of your workforce and giving better compensation is best to keep your employees happy. happy employees = happy customers = better income

chicken and egg logic really....sometimes, too much ambition can keep you blind from compassion. i'm working my way out of this....hopefully soon.
Currently feeling: pissed
Posted by princess_bride on October 26, 2006 at 12:18 PM | 2 danced with me
Posted by princess_bride on October 26, 2006 at 08:20 PM | dance with me
i'm at work and i get dizzy spells from time to time. still weak from this viral infection i got somewhere. geezzz if not for my team who managed to cover up for me while i was gone, my department would've fallen apart big time. my boss is very understanding and supportive though. contrary to the "system" that i was ranting about yesterday. she signed a bunch of docs on my behalf despite being in the middle of a whole day budget deliberation with our CEO.

she can be a blessing at times really. at times she can bitch around, but i totally understand that she is only being pressured by the "owner" to deliver results. sometimes without even considering the circumstances that surrounds the issue. howell, chain reaction naman talaga yan. last week, i totally blew it as well and had to call an emergency meeting para maglabas ng "sungay at buntot". sometimes kse when they know that you are a softie they tend to take things for granted.

well, i had to put my foot down and let them know who's the boss. kelangan magtanda so you have to stress your point talaga. matagal naman ako magalit eh...once is excusable, but the second time around is not acceptable. people do have short memories. minsan kelangan mo pa magalit para mapilitan sila maalala kung ano ang tama at mali. command responsibility, their error is my error as well. so i have to remind them to give me a chance to save their ass. but if they will self insinuate themselves at the whole departments expense, well that's a different story altogether.

i said, i'd give up this pa "martyr" syndrome when it comes to work. i promised not to be too involved and to take long leave from work to prove my point. but on the other had, i realized nobody is indispensable, not even me. i worked hard to get to where i am now and i am not about to tarnish my credibility of being a professional just because i am pissed off at the "system". while i am here, i have to give my best and be the professional that i am. i will leave with my integrity and credibility intact as these comprises my whole character.

this is me....i could rant and rave all i want, but at the end of the day i will still deliver my best and remember that i am doing this for the greater good.

Currently listening to: can't take that away from me - mariah carey
Currently feeling: dizzy
Posted by princess_bride on October 27, 2006 at 01:33 PM | dance with me
hi dad,

it was nice to talk to you again. thanks for visiting me in my dreams. although i'd really want to go with you wherever you are taking me to, can we just wait awhile?

have you seen your apo's? i'm sure you are watching them as they grow. now that you are not around to measure their height whenever you visit them, they took it upon themselves to continue your "tradition". they miss you dad. as much as i do.

sorry for the tears. it was too soon. you were taken away just too soon. it will be a year on january 9 since you've left us. and i still wish you could be around to hug and kiss. have i told you often that i love you? i think it was not often enough.

can you hear me dad? can you see my heartaches? how i feel so alone when you left. we were the only ones who understood each other. i stood up for you when the rest faltered. not because i was the greatest daughter but because i understood you. i knew how much you loved us even if you had a hard time showing it.

dad, can you wait awhile? i have to light a candle in your resting place every year. have you seen the green vigil candle i lighted for you? have you seen the one i lighted for lolo? i chose the same make and color. i hope it could help light your way. a simple prayer goes with the candles. a prayer of peace and love.

i know someday we will see each other again. till then dad i'd like you to know how much i miss you and how much i love you. i'm sorry i was not able to say it often enough. but i do, now you can see that i really do.

rest in peace dad....i will see you soon.
Currently feeling: sad
Posted by princess_bride on October 31, 2006 at 01:47 PM | dance with me
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