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March 22, 2018

thin place

thin place is a term used for millennia to describe a place in time where the space between heaven and earth grows thin and the Sacred and the secular seem to meet.

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it's not everyday that we encounter our "thin place". yesterday, i encountered mine in the most inconspicuous place - in a spa. i got the package SP 2 which had body scrub and body massage. so had to do the body scrub first and the lady named Angel who did it, hooked me into a very engaging and enlightening conversation. and for some reason i just felt His presence and that everthing happens for a reason.

i have been feeling desperate the past few days. really - when it rains it pours. and here this lady was sharing about her recent experience of losing her home to a fire, where her kids had to live with her in laws until she and her husband can find a way to rebuild their home. and it was a third of a seemingly continuous bad luck she was having since the start of the year. her youngest had dengue and had heart complications, and then she met a road accident and then the fire.

somehow, i share in her desperation. since my Mom is in the hospital for more than 3 months now and not having any significant development neurulogically. and then our financial woes at home because of this. everything just seem to be such a burden. and i'm running out of ideas how we can survive. the lady named Angel was an inspiration. she may have been human for the first few weeks of her predicament but she had to stand strong and make all effort to fight.

i just felt it. it was a message, that we all are going through bad bumps in our lives. that He wanted to comfort me and hear His message through Angel. she said, "di naman tayo bibigyan ng pagsubok na di natin kaya lusutan." so cliche yet so profound.

Thank you Lord for sending an Angel.

{ mood } grateful


Written by princess_bride at 09:47 AM.

dance with me



March 14, 2018

perfect world, not

I would just like to vent today. Never a fan of office politics but you really can't get away with it. There is this certain group who was a challenge to deal with from the start. I don't think its personal but I truly believe it has something to do with people I'm connected with whom they dislike.

I will be having a meeting with them tonight and I always dread the days I need to interface with them. Ok, I realize it is something I cannot control. So I need a change in perspective. (insert expletives here)

{ music } The Middle - Zee, Marren Morris, Grey
{ show } Hospital Ship
{ mood } anxious


Written by princess_bride at 10:28 AM.

dance with me



March 12, 2018

deficient

I have been doing some introspection the past few months. I realized how insufficient I am in a lot of things and in a lot of facets of my life - Cognitive, Psychological, Spiritual, Physical, etc. For some of them, I could do something about it and I am currently trying to plan how to nourish those of which I am deficient.

For one, I think I haven't maxxed out my brain functionalities. And I honestly feel that I need to do some brain exercises to make me intellectually fit. How do I address this? Well, I want to go back to school - take an MBA or try to get a certifcation as a CMA (Certified Management Accountant). Easier said than done. I need resources for this and currently, with 3 kids still in school, I am not sure I can afford time and money on this right now. So to mitigate this, I am taking some short courses to get my brain back to learning stuff. I recently learned that there is a study that for your brain to be fit you will also need to do some physical work outs. Also, some cognitive exercises available in some apps e.g. Luminosity

Psychological - I guess the target is to develop my psychological flexibility. Learn new things everyday. (e.g Learn a new word, a historical date, a bit of trivia, etc.) Do something differently often. (e.g. if you drink coffee using your right hand, try using your left hand for a change) Change familiar routines. (e.g. have tea instead of coffee, read a book instead of watching a korea novela, etc.) Get out of my comfort zone. (do a harder crossword puzzle, learn a new hobby, etc)

Spiritual - I am not a hardcore church goer or what not. But I feel so disconnected with Him and I feel I had to do something about it. I chanced upon a friend sharing in facebook a "Living Lent Daily" subscription from the Loyola Press. I have also subscribed to their 3 minute retreat and found it very enlighterning. The daily reading is definitely food for the soul and I am happy to set aside a few minutes of my time for this reflections.

Physical - I have so many health conditions and wouldn't even know how to start fixing them. Mostly, fixing involves taking a lot of meds and seeing a lot of medical specialists which is kind of a reactive approach. I want to do it differently. I need to inject some daily exercises into my schedule. I have a lot of reasons not to but I should make time for this. Also, I need to invest in some helpful nutrition supplements. And try to change my lifestyle. Good luck on that. Hahaha

I should remember: Think well, act well, feel well, be well.

{ music } Rewrite the stars - Zac Efron, Zendaya
{ show } Hospital Ship
{ mood } determined


Written by princess_bride at 04:45 PM.

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December 20, 2017

a fork in the road

My family and I are facing the most difficult and painful decision in our lives. My Mom is in coma and on life support for exactly one week yesterday. I have 3 younger siblings and being the eldest it seems like the brunt of the decision making is on me. Or so I thought. We have been fighting like crazy, arguing how to move forward with Mom. 2 on 2 so we are on lockdown. Whether to proceed with trachaeostomy and putting a peg on her tummy or just pulling the plug. She has very minimal brain activity and have been severely damaged due to the 20 minute revival procedures done to her in the ER. She had a series of seizures and could have added up to the current brain damage she has.

Yesterday she had very minimal corneal reactions and she can slightly breathe on her own but not totally without the ventilator on her. My heart is very weak as it is. I cannot keep this combative state with my sisters if I want to live longer. I just pray now for discernment and for peace in our hearts. May we make the best decision for my Mom. May God continue to perform His daily miracles. Whatever is good in His perfect time.

{ mood } heartbroken


Written by princess_bride at 11:27 AM.

dance with me



December 15, 2017

Fervent prayer

I still can't believe what's happening right now. It's like I'm just having a bad dream. Please someone just wake me up...Please just wake my Mom up.

{ mood } shocked


Written by princess_bride at 03:51 PM.

2 danced with me



December 4, 2017

Of wellness and the end

I have been recently working towards making sure I am properly managing my health issues. I am diabetic, I have a heart condition, and I am hypertensive. All these were unfortunately passed on genetically from both sides (maternal and paternal) So been seeing a lot of Doctors recently, up until November came and my Mom had a heart attack. I was supposed to be scheduled for an angiogram to check for any blockage in my arteries. I had to brush that aside to take care of my Mom.

It have been a scary ride. She was confined in the ICU for 5 days and then regular hospital room for 3 days. She went through angiogram, angioplasty and two sessions of dialysis. After a week, back again at the hospital due to water in her lungs. Hopefully, she gets discharged tomorrow as the recent xray show full regression. Now I'm afraid it's my turn. I have gone through a lot in the past. Two major surgeries, one for my adrenal gland and another to remove one kidney. Now the heart is a different matter. And I am scared to go through what my Mom went through.

I have always thought that my Mom will outlive me and not the other way around. She was always conscious about her health and careful on what she eats. So it was really a big shock to us that she went through this ordeal. I guess these days you can't tell who is healthy and who is not. Look at Isabel Granada, she looked so fit and in the pink of health. Who would've thought right?

I don't want to sound morbid, but I really think we all should prepare for our "end". It's reality and all of us is going towards the end of our life's journey. I want to prepare for mine....

{ music } the house we never built - gabrielle aplin
{ book } Wonder - R.J. Palacio
{ mood } anxious


Written by princess_bride at 07:17 PM.

dance with me



December 1, 2017

Happy heart

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Carl Jung
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/dreams
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Carl Jung
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/dreams
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. Gloria Steinem
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/dreams
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. Gloria Steinem
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/dreams
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. Gloria Steinem
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/dreams

"Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning" ~ Gloria Steinem

I dreamt of you. We are both with our significant others. We just had a chance to reconnect. And I woke up with a happy heart. I know you are in a happy place too. Kahit sa panaginip lang kita nakita, masaya na ako.

{ music } home - gabrielle aplin
{ mood } happy


Written by princess_bride at 09:56 AM.

4 danced with me



October 3, 2017

In retrospect

Yung totoo, gusto ko pa ba talagang balikan? Hindi naman, masarap lang to reminisce about good old memories. Naalala ko lang nag anniversary kase kayo, it was not long before that when I said I am setting you free. I just knew it was going to happen. Mas marunong lang ako that time kse nadaanan ko na yung ganon. Mas alam ko na pano iprotect ang puso ko. Pero akala ko lang yun, umiyak pa din ako, umasa pa din, tanga eh. I guess we were just meant for someone else. Ganon talaga eh, sometimes you just don't end up with the one you really love.

Kahapon pa dapat ako may entry, ayoko na talaga sanang balikan eh. I would just look really pathetic. Pero bakit ba? Life is short. To hell with rules and all that crap. Gusto ko lang magexpress. Masama ba yun? I'm sure wala naman nagbabasa neto or kung meron man, di naman nila tayo kilala. Hindi ka na din naman active dito for years now. Mabuti na lang nagcocooperate ang universe. Hindi pinagtatagpo landas natin. Kahit gustong gusto kita makita, ok na lang na hindi. Para sa ikakatahimik ng buhay natin. At ng utak ko. Hahaha

{ music } too good at goodbyes - sam smith
{ book } The light between oceans - ML Stedman
{ mood } melancholy


Written by princess_bride at 05:46 PM.

dance with me



September 13, 2017

Of pretending and happy trips

PRETEND

From the beginning, I'd like to pretend it was me

The ambiguity was driving me crazy

And still, to numb the pain, I'd pretend it was me

When you were waiting, when you were missing someone

I pretend it was me

The songs you like, the lyrics of love and longing

I pretend it was for me

The falling and catching, the dream of a happy ending

I wanted to pretend it was with me.

Until I got tired of pretending, because it was never about me.

After all these years, no matter how hard I wish for it,

It was never going to be me.

~ Cloudy

***********************************

Back from a 12 day trip from SG. It was business mixed with pleasure. Suffice it to say, it was an awesome trip with lots of good memories to reminisce. Bonded with colleagues who are now becoming my good friends. I was tired with long work hours, and then fun times at night and less sleep. But I was happy. Next strat plan to be held early 1Q next year, they are thinking about doing it in Brazil or wherever we haven't done this mtg at. Something to look forward to.

{ music } what you won't do for love - bobby caldwell
{ book } The light between oceans - ML Stedman
{ mood } reflective


Written by princess_bride at 09:12 AM.

dance with me



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