cinderellaareus

Training has started last Monday. 12 days daw ata ito. Ang lamig ng boses nung nga Indiano. Antok na antok ako, Bes. But to be fair, mababait naman sila.

Yesterday, I had this user na naiiyak na talaga ko dahil di ko ma solve yung issue nya. The whole training, I was thinking of his issue kaya wala akong na absorb. Sabaw na sabaw talaga.

They have recordings ng training. Aaralin ko nalang. Sana hindi ako makatulog.

Hayst. Know what, I asked the Heavens for this. Yung ituloy ng client yung contract samin. Ok lang naman. Ayoko rin naman mawalan ng trabaho, pero takte, mega brain bleed talaga.

Ang daming forms. Ang tedious ng process. Ewan.

Siguro hindi naman talaga namin to mage gets the first time di ba? Tatag nga ng mga kasama ko, ni hindi nag no notes.

Papasok pa ko para sa training bukas at sa Friday kahit off ko. 

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Work is easy. 

Work is good.

Everything I need is coming to me.

Eto yung nantra ko araw araw bago pumasok. The fact na nakaka sign out parin naman ako ng buhay, siguro nga effective.

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Kailangan ko pang i-follow up ilang mga bagay bagay sa club. Konting ire nalang naman at makakatakas na ko sa position ko. Ang weird no. Alam ko naman na hindi nila kasalanan pero minsan naiirita ko sa kanilang lahat. Iniisip ko kung mas maigi bang lumipat sa ibang club. Pagnakikita or nakakausap or kahit naiisip ko lang sila, yung pagod feeling lang kasi ang tanging naalala ko.

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Will accompany Mom sa Starmall bukas.

Nasira yung tv. Aalamin lang namin kung pano setup ng warranty. 

Naawa rin ako sa mama ko. Hindi mabubuhay yun ng walang tv. We do have other tvs at home, pero ito kasi yung pinakamalaki at ito yung nasa sala. Binaba nya yung tv sa tindahan at nilagay sa sala. Ngayon wala na syang tv sa tindahan. Sa totoo lang pinipigalan ko lang ang sarili kong bilhan sya ng bagong tv. Kailangan kong makaipon para sakali mang merong magkasakit sa amin.

Gusto ko nang yumaman. Alam ko balang araw, mangyayari yun dahil talented ako.

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Boring ng walang crush. Walang pang pasaya ng araw. Bilingual lahat ng nasa umaga. Mejo tropa na kasi yung mga yun. Kahiyaan ng i-crush.

Ang daming benefits kung maililipat ako ulet sa pang gabi. May crush na ulet ako, makakatakas pa ko sa unli-from, super brain bleed, tedious process na pag support sa japanese users.

Ewan ko. Tsaka sa panggabi kahit papano, nakakasabay ko sila mama mag almusal at tanghalian. Sa alanganin kong schedule now, wala na kong nakakasabay kumain.

Pero ok lang din. Kahit ano. Bahala na ang Universe. 

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Ayon sa chismis nung mga nakaraang linggo, may apat na cases daw ng drug-related killings dito sa amin. Ngayon everytime na may naririnig akong pag putok, pakiramdam ko may bago na namang pagpatay.

I don't have the energy to browse my toxic fb timeline anymore. Hindi rin ako masyadong nakakanood ng tv. Hindi ko alam kung ano nang nangyayari sa mundo.

Kagabi, ipinagdasal ko sa langit ang presidente. For guidance,  wisdom and protection. I also asked na sana hindi tayo masakop ng China.

Wala e. Hands up na ko.

cinderellaareus

Namiss ko bigla this guy who said pwede daw magtanong kahit busy.

Tas di magrereply. Lol.

cinderellaareus

Club anniversary's online celebration tonight. 

I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna go. I haven't read any messages, even those that I was tagged to. I don't want additional work. I don't want additional stress. I don't want to hear any more demands. I know this is a position I swore upon. A task I promised to do, but who cares.

Am I cruel? Well, it's not like they can't do this without me, you know. I just find them so exhausting, I can't bear having to give in to any more of their demands anymore. Lol, I know they might not even be demanding of anything right now. I wouldn't know. I haven't read the messagages. But still.

Normally, I think I'm so much more responsible than this.

Also, some of my friends will be there. And the new president is also my friend.... pero...

Have you ever felt like this, repulsed at the thought of having to deal with certain people again?

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Sa kabila ng lahat, marami paring magandang bagay na nangyayari.

A friend who tested positive in COVID has tested negative twice na, so she's cleared. Ang bait ng Langit!

Also, ang sarap nung carbonara na inorder namin kahapon. Hehe.

cinderellaareus

Mga bagay na natutunan ko nitong mga nakaraang araw:

1. Hindi nababawasan ang inis sa pag express ng galit, ie. pagsuntok sa pader o pagbato ng mga bagay bagay. Kalma. Hinga.

2. Pag upset ka, or nalulungkot, gumawa ka ng bagay na makakapagpasaya sa iba.

3. Minsan, try mo rin maghugas ng plato.

The week started on my new shift high, tas nag fluctuate na high and low through out the week. Ang daming mga araw na upset ako, kinailangan kong mas madalas na makinig ng Feast Worship. Napahugas din ako ng plato to shift perspective. Effective naman. Nag sneezing fiesta lang ako ng very slight at nagkaron ng konting butlig butlig sa kamay, pero keri lang. Worth the allergies. 

Natapos ang week na ok naman ako. Mas kalmado na.

Kung tutuusin, relatively petiks ang morning shift. Mostly naging maayos naman ang mga encounters ko sa users na sinupport ko. Kahit petiks, sinisikap ko parin gawin yung best ko. That's why the pagod is still there.

Off ko ngayon. There's that perpetual need to stay away from other human beings except my family and a few friends. Those that never demand so much. Ang dami ding crappy stuff sa social media so eto, sayang ang 1GB per day promo ng Globe. Maka nood nga ng Ghibli movie mamaya.

Parang ang daming gastusin these days. Anlaki pa ng bawas sa sahod ko sa isang araw na umabsent ako. Damang dama, mapapa aray ka. Hinding hindi na talaga ako aabsent.

Kung tutuusin, sobrang laki ang natitipid ko ngayong quarantine.

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I love the feel of my facial skin today. Last night, oil cleansing, facial massage, soap, scrub, facial yoga, toner, serum, mask, eye cream, moisturizer, sunblock. Dapat may essence pa yan, kasa wala ako mahanap. Wala naman pinapagandahan at madalas pagod ako after work so natutulog lang ako kagad at wala ng routine routine. Ngayon ko nalang ulit nagawa yan dahil wala akong pasok the following day.

Tingin ko pwede naman palang alagaan ng sarili not because you want to look good for someone else, kundi para sa sarili mo lang. Try ko tong gawin araw araw. I'm not expecting any dramatic change since malaki talaga ng pores ko naturally. Even my beautiful mom, malaki rin ng pores. Pero ok lang. Basta clear ang glowing. Ngayon, pinipigilan ko munang mag online shop ng beauty products. Mag iipon muna ko for emergency. Gusto ko rin makabili ulet ng stocks pag may sapat na ipon na ko.

Thankful ako sa lahat ng pera at blessings na meron ako ngayon. Salamat, Universe. Pengi pa ng mas maraming marami pa. Hehe. Gusto ko nang yumaman e. Thank you!

Next week, 1 week kaming may training. Kahit off ko, need parin pumasok. Ok lang, iwas labas, iwas gastos. Tsaka kailangan ko rin to. Para hindi ako nangangamote sa trabaho.

cinderellaareus

12:01mn. 1 minute past Cinderella's curfew.

In 12 hours, I'll start with my new work shift. Mejo nakakakaba.

I just finished watching Howl's Moving Castle. It's the first Studio Ghibli film na napanood ko na merong clear happy ending. Found a Japanese version with English subs. I think this is the closest I can get with my Japanese language studies.

Around 12 hrs back, I woke up in my brother's message about my nephew's newborn screening results. Our baby boy got an "out of normal range" in one of the tests. I've researched what it meant. Sabi, no cure. Need na ng support for life. May lead to anaemia. They'll be seeing the doctor tomorrow. I know it could be worse. Pero sana parin, mali lang ang test. Sana ok parin si Kyler.

Also found out that a friend have tested positive in COVID. I feel so sorry for her, specially for her children. Wala naman daw syang nararamdaman, well, aside from emotional distress, that is. Ang hirap ng panahon na ito. Sobra. I feel sorry. I feel scared. It's hard to feel so many things at the same time.

Hindi ko ni lu look forward ang pasok ko bukas ( technically, mamaya). Nasanay na rin ako na tulog sa umaga at gising sa gabi. Kinakabahan din ako dahil hindi ako familiar sa process ng Japanese users since I've had very few of them sa night shift. Alam ko, marami pang tao na may mas malaking problema kesa sakin.

Sa mga panahon na hindi ako natatakot o nag-aalala, nararamdaman ko rin naman yung gratitude. Alam ko naman na kahit maraming hindi magagandang nangyayari, naa outweigh parin ng good things ang mga bad things sa buhay ko. Siguro kailangan ko lang talagang matutunang kumalma.

My friend said COVID testing costed her 8k for the 1st test. She needs to undergo 2 more tests na dapat mag negative na this time, to get cleared. That will be 24k pesos for all 3 tests. Iniisip ko tuloy kung may sapat ba kong pera pag may nagkasakit samin.

Hindi na ko aabsent ulet. Kailangang makaipon.

cinderellaareus

Club anniv next week. People no longer bother me as they used to. Maybe they've gotten used to my absence already.

TL sent me a message last night asking if I'm ok with 12nn to 9pm shift. We're having more and more  Japanese chats these days and the morning people need backup. Though I said yes, sabi ni TL di pa naman daw sure. Were having fewer calls at night. Baka matuloy na ang earlier work shift ko next week. Bahala na. Nakakataranta kasi mag Japanese support. Iniisip ko nalang, I have a workmate who can't read so much kanji pero nagsurvive naman. I can read about 1000 (or lessss haha). Kaya ko rin naman siguro to. Marami rin naman pwede tanungan sa umaga.

Wala pa pala akong 1 year sa trabahong to no? Nakakatuwa na kahit paano, I feel comfortable around them na parang matagal ko na silang kakilala.

1 more day at off ko na. I usually spend my days off sleeping, but recently, binigyan kami ng pusa ng kapitbahay, so I'd probably play with the cat. I still think I'm more of a dog person, but I love our cat. Nung 1st day nya rito, ilang oras syang nagtago sa ref. Day 2, nahihiya hiya parin sya. Pero ngayon, takte, sobrang kulet na. Pero sobrang sweet din. He knows where he should do his business kaya hindi sya mahirap alagaan. Naawa lang ako sa mga alaga kong ipis. Mas mabilis nyang naubos ang mga ipis sa bahay kesa sa Baygon.

Ang dalas ng pag-ulan nitong mga nakaraang araw. Naalala ko na ang confront food ko twing tag-ulan e tocino. Dahil hindi na ko kumakain ng karne, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang comfort food ko. Siguro ice cream. Sawang sawa na ko sa hipon. Allergic pa ko sa itlog. Hayy, na miss ko bigla yung Bodhi. Gusto ko rin ng sushi. Ang sarap at ang lalaki ng sushi sa Taiwan. Ang daming choices tas sobrang mura pa. Mas masarap ng very slight ang sushi sa Genki Sushi, pero takte, naka over 1k ka na hindi ka pa busog. Gusto ko ng miso soup at unli cabbage na may goma dressing sa Yabu. Pagkain lang yata ang namiss ko sa labas. Gusto ko ng sushi.T_T

Mom named our cat Jiufen. It's one of the places we went to in Taiwan. Mom loved that place. I'm glad we pushed through with our trip. My parents' eyes always light up in delight every time they talk about it. Kung iba ang sitwasyon ngayon, I would've brought them to Korea sana. Sana pwede na next year. Sana kompleto at healthy parin ang buong pamilya ko by then. Yun lang talaga ang pinaka mahalaga.

I expressed my interest sa program na planong i-launch ng relationship coach na fina follow ko sa facebook. This program is for single people daw. Sa totoo lang, lovelife ang least of concerns ko sa mga panahon na to. Pero naisip ko lang na if I want to get married, maybe in 3 years time, dapat ngayon palang nagpe prepare na ko. Also, I see flirting as an important tool. More like a weapon you can use in any battlefield. Parang sa Art of Seduction. Excited na kong matuto kay Coach.

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May nakita akong meme. Ansabi kaya daw pala heal as one e dahil bahala ka mag heal mag-isa mo. Lol.

cinderellaareus

Past 12mn na nung bumalik ang kuryente. Humupa na ang bagyo. Balik na naman ang alinsangan ng panahon, at nagbago ang isip ng aming local government at pinromote muli kami sa mecq last minute bago ang supposed  transition namin sa gcq.

Parang walang patutunguhan ang 2020.

Got the announcement kagabi sa bagong set of officers sa club. One of my ladies was elected for the highest position and they were like ako na daw susunod. For the past 3 years I've been dodging that position like a plague. This year, I went as far as postponing my membership renewal just to make sure I won't get elected. I feel like they still don't get it.

With this, all my friends are either a past president or a current president na. Normal lang siguro na hindi nila ma gets why I don't want it. Ako nga rin, hindi ko gets. Lol.

Last night, Ivan was asking if I'll renew na, now that the new officers have been announced. I hate explaining my shit, and I feel like these people keep on making me feel like I have to explain my shit. This is making me feel all the more wanting to extract myself off their circle. Maybe they mean well. Siguro mawawala rin tong feeling na to pag humupa na yung irita feeling na nararamdaman ko.

Sighs. Parang walang dereksyon ang buhay.

Siguro ang priority lang naman talaga natin dapat sa panahon na to e keeping ourselves alive.

Ewan.

I want to find a way to feel more alive these days.

I've been on full defensive mode. Naiirita ko sa lahat ng kumakausap sakin kahit online lang. The very few times na pumatol ako sa simpleng kamustahan, nairita lang rin ako. Maybe they didn't mean it that way pero feeling ko kasi tunuturuan nila ko kung paano ako dapat mabuhay. I hate that. I really hate that. 

Pero sa kabila ng di matapos tapos na rebulusyon sa isip ko, thankful parin ako na ok kaming lahat.

cinderellaareus

I asked for a little rain. The Heavens gave me a storm.

Brownout. Lakas ng hangin. Binitbit ko yung kama ko sa kwarto ng parents ko dahil ang scary ng bagyo. Mom is way more scared than I am and this is not making me a little less scared. Well at least I'm not alone in fear. I can't believe that Dad is already snoring amidst all these.

Alis ka na, Ambo. Please bring COVID-19 with you.