“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?”
George Eliot, Adam Bede

Hubby and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. It was surreal. Never thought we'd come this far. Many have asked what's the secret ingredient. Love? That's so cliche. I think we've reached beyond that stage when everything was all about love. It was about forgiveness, even when it hurt so much. It was about compromise, when you know very well that it will take a lot of sacrifice from you. It was about beautiful memories, when everything seems to be fading. It was about taking it all in thinking about your children and their future. It was about trying to forget the painful past. It was about self introspection and changing, knowing that somehow you always have to improve something to make your relationship work. It's a myriad of a lot of things put together. And it's making sure that both of you are choosing each other no matter what.

These days, it seems that relationships are too easy to give up on. And it's not surprising, with the kind of environment we have. It's so easy to be tempted and so easy to tempt. I never claimed that I was the best and ideal wife (I don't think there is such a thing). I have gone through a lot of pain physically, emotionally, mentally in making this marriage work. And I know that it was the same for him. But with God's help we are here now. Trying to be strong and choosing to love each other despite of and inspite of.

Now the journey to the next 25 years.....that is if I'm still alive by that time. hehehe

Currently listening to: How do you keep the music playing - James Ingram
Currently reading: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
Currently watching: The blacklist S6E6
Currently feeling: hopeful
Posted by princess_bride on June 6, 2019 at 10:08 AM | 2 danced with me

"Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if the contact is lost."

I have an old friend. Not literally old but a friend since I was in grade 3 (about 10 yrs old). We were busmates. We never were classmates in elementary but I think we were in high school. We also went to the same school. In college we pursued different courses but we went to the same University. So we practically grew up together.

She have been there during my highs and lows. She was my constant. My person. I have always been protective of her and tell on those people who hurt her. That is until recently. She was cornering another friend in a heated discussion. I stepped in. Nag "mommy mode" ako. She didn't take it well. She felt slighted na parang pinagalitan ko sya like a child. Well, she was acting like a child then.

So we haven't been in speaking terms since then. I know that she was going through something. I was worried but this time she kept it to herself. (this was before our "encounter") Which was hardly the case in the past, so I was really concerned about her and wanted to be there for her. But she kept pushing people away. At the end of the day, I realized that as a friend you can only do so much. I respected her silence so I let her be.

But going through something doesn't excuse one from being rude and disrespectful of others. I didn't feel comfortable sitting around letting her do that to other people. So I had to say my piece. She didn't like it. Fast forward to last week, I sent her a message that I remember something and that I miss her. I wasn't going to apologize for anything. I just wanted to let her know that whatever she is going through I will just be here if she needs me.

What she did? "Seen" mode. I expected as much. I'm just sad that 35 years of friendship is gone just like that. But guess what? What she did was a message to me. She was a bearer of God's message. Well, her actions were. Any relationship go through difficult times. But that doesn't mean that you give up on what you have. If she wants to be alone, so be it. You can only pray for her that she be enlightened and will be able to go through her issues with God's guiding light.

I do wish her well. I love her still and I will always be a friend when she needs one.

Currently listening to: have you ever seen the rain - credence clearwater revival
Currently feeling: hopeful
Posted by princess_bride on April 30, 2019 at 11:29 PM | dance with me

It's been a while since my last post. I visit daily to read entries and then attempt to write something and end up with nothing. I don't know but I think my creative juices is drying up. Or simply not inspired to write at all. Whatever it is I should think of this as an outlet and not a writing contest. I just feel that my entries are so lame and empty. Parang paulit ulit. Sabagay wala naman magbabasa Hahaha 5-10 na lang ata tao dito sa tabs. =) So who cares right?

So I will begin with the voyages I've been to the past few months - Ho Chi Minh Vietnam, Costa Rica and PP & El Nido Palawan. The first two are business related. I should have been to Belgium too for work but schedule was too tight to get a visa. Ok na din, it gets too tiring to have one travel after the other. Tumatanda na talaga ako. =( The Palawan trip was done during Holy Week. It was the only time where everybody is free. So sorry na Lord, ngayon lang naman kami pasaway. I have another one coming up for work - SG first week of May. It's for an ISO Lead Auditor Training. May 2 hour exam daw after. Good luck to me.

Anyway, got tummy sick after Palawan. Not sure if it was the Tamilok (wood worm) or the extreme heat or water. Ewan! It's really bad. I was afraid that my tummy would act up during the 1 hour flight. Nadaan naman sa diatabs. Napahinga ng one day tapos ayan na naman. Ang daming toxin ng tyan ko di ko malaman san ko nakuha. =( Ok lang naman Palawan was a wonderful experience. It was suprisingly clean inspite of being so touristy and all. DENR is doing a good job at making sure that they rehabilitate their area. Medyo hassle lang because of local restrictions but I am good for having them set up the process and even paying for the environmental fee. I am all for it. Para ma-maintain nila yung islands, kasi it's not an easy task ang daming pwedeng puntahan dun and I feel like we should go back for more. Wasn't even able to do Honda Bay in PP. Pinalit kse namin yung El Nido, which was sulit and super fun. Kapagod nga lang talaga.

Ewan ko ba parang chronic fatigue na nararamdaman ko. I'm afraid it has something to do with my kidneys este kidney kse nagiisa na lang pala sya. Huwag naman sana. Ang dami ko pa gusto puntahan. And gusto gawin. Pero ang sama ng feeling na para akong nauupos na kandila. I'm really scared. =( Ang dami ko na hindi kaya gawin. I dread walking too much, trekking, swimming in deep seas....ang dami kong fears, ang katawan ko din ayaw na magcooperate kahit na gusto ko gawin bumibigay na katawan ko.

Currently listening to: kung di rin lang ikaw - december ave & moira
Currently feeling: sick
Posted by princess_bride on April 25, 2019 at 11:17 AM | 2 danced with me

"When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door that's how it works."

*****************

True that! It's just that sometimes one just can't help but overthink. Been feeling bad and sleep deprived because of this. Over nothing naman pala. Eventually, things fell into place and new doors were opened. Doors as in plural. Been stressing myself out over nothing.

Oh well, aside from the fact that my schedule is over the top these days. I just feel like I need and deserve a long break. I want to go to a beach and relax. Kelan kaya? Sigh

*****************

On my previous post about performance rating, apparently I still got a high mark. Discussed it with one of the leaders and she said just be thankful as others were not so lucky as I was. Mataas lang siguro talaga expectation ko sa sarili ko. I really should manage that.

I just need to divert all this energy spent on overthinking to other more productive activities.

Currently listening to: someone snoring hahaha
Currently reading: Revenge wears prada - Laura Weisberger
Currently watching: Drop Dead Diva
Currently feeling: busy
Posted by princess_bride on February 21, 2019 at 09:33 PM | dance with me

I wasn't the type who would just go through the motions. I always try to give more than what was expected. At the very least 101% effort. That's why when I went through my 2018 performance review with my leader I got so disappointed and felt like my efforts weren't really recognized nor appreciated. I didn't fail but neither did I excel in my rating. I was used to always having the highest rate with all my previous employers but here I guess because of the way the organization is structured and also having to report to a Doctor who leads the team as she is the owner of the budget I manage makes all the difference.

So what to do? I don't want to sit and cry in a corner just because this happened. Honestly performance ratings are never going to be objective. I just feel that at the rate I'm going, I don't think I will move forward in terms of career advancement in the near future here. I think I need to rethink what my next steps would be. I need to assess if at this age would it still be beneficial for me to look for other opportunities or just stay put and look for internal opportunities. I have been in my comfort zone for the past 4 years here. Is it time to move out?

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata. Sigh

Currently listening to: without me - halsey
Currently reading: Revenge wears prada - Laura Weisberger
Currently watching: Lucifer
Currently feeling: restless
Posted by princess_bride on January 24, 2019 at 10:13 AM | dance with me

Just in time. I need to be reminded of these:

1) Trust no one but respect everyone.

2) What happens in the office, remain in the office. Never take office gossips to home or vice versa.

3) Enter office on time, leave on time. Your desktop is not helping to improve your health.

4) Never make relationships in the work place. It will always backfire.

5) Expect nothing. If somebody helps, feel thankful. If not, you will learn to know things on your own.

6) Never rush for a position. If you get promoted, congrats, if not it doesn't matter. You will always be remembered for your knowledge and politeness, not for your designation.

7) Never run behind office stuff. You have better things to do in life.

8) Avoid taking everything on your ego. Your salary matters. You are being paid. Use your assets to get happiness.

9) It doesn't matter how people treat you. Be humble. You are not everyone's cup of tea.

10) In the end nothing matters except family, friends, home and inner peace.

World's Mental Health day theme by WHO

Mental Health at work place

Currently listening to: Malibu nights - Lany
Currently reading: Revenge wears prada - Laura Weisberger
Currently watching: Lucifer
Currently feeling: disappointed
Posted by princess_bride on January 22, 2019 at 10:46 PM | dance with me

**warning this is a non-new year post** Tongue Out

I have been binge-watching on netflix the past few days (YOU). A break from binge-reading two books in a row. Feeling ko wala ako work kinabukasan, pero eto antok na antok ako....pahiram nga ng toothpick LOL!!! Pag work from home ako I can manage to squeeze in a few winks....ok sometimes pag light ang load a lot of winks! hahaha

Seryoso! I can't do too much coffee nagpapalpitate ako. I can only manage 1 cup a day. 2 max pero dapat mild coffee lang (sugar free of course) Lately been drinking a lot of tea. Never liked it in the past but for some reason I have learned to like the taste. Depende pala din sa type of tea. I love the tea menu at Coffee Bean. Pero feeling ko di ako nagigising sa tea. Wahhhhh

My PH boss is coming in a few...I need to wake the *F up!!!!

Currently listening to: here i am - beyonce
Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by princess_bride on January 8, 2019 at 11:53 AM | dance with me

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. you get what i mean? at the rate i'm going, feel ko talaga maswerte pa kung umabot ako ng 50. super blessed na kung umabot ako ng 60. no kidding! this darn diabetes is killing me slowly. =( i blame the genes....ok and the lifestyle too. had a series of tests last week and yesterday i got a text message from the hospital telling me that one came out with significant findings and i need to see my endocrinologist asap. that freaked me out.

the specific lab test was fundus photo. it had something to do with my vision. last year it was discovered i had stage 2 retinopathy. now it looks like it got worse. when left untreated it could lead to blindness. ang dami na pumasok sa isip ko. how about my work? how about my family? how about my reading? i love books! how about my kdrama addiction? as in my mind is messed up right now. and i just feel so alone and helpless. i don't think people around me know how serious this is. and ayoko magpaka-pa importante. so as long as i can do this on my own, i will.

so that's one. another is peripheral neuropathy, the Doctor said initial findings is my nerves are damaged. and yes it's another complication of having diabetes for 17 years. i feel pins and needles and stabbing pain on my legs and fingers and the past months it's getting worse. i have sleepless nights because of this. i honestly think para akong nauupos na kandila. seryoso!

last is my heart...yes this wounded heart. ang drama ano? pero truth be told, my Cardiologist is doing his best and making me go thru a lot of tests before doing an angiogram on me. and i'm scared as hell. i lost my Uncle a few years ago and my Mom just this year because of diabetes complications. and the heart was the main culprit. don't know how to be strong anymore. a lot of people are depending on me to be strong. i keep this brave front but inside i'm falling apart.

please pray for me.

Currently feeling: scared
Posted by princess_bride on December 18, 2018 at 08:37 AM | 6 danced with me

filipinos are so creative. so they were saying that if our PH bet loses never have your hair cut at the salon lagot ang buhok mo sa bading, but if she wins, by all means do it. baka free pa plus rebond. hahah funny ano? so i just had this crazy thought, why the hell did i get that haircut yesterday? sana today na lang after manalo ni Catriona, nakalibre pa sana ako. hehehe

kidding aside, it's been months that i've been meaning to get that darn haircut. but couldn't find the time to do so. until yesterday while waiting for a friend at the shang mall for lack of better things to do, decided to get my hair cut. wanted it short really (i guess it comes with age...hahaha less maintenance sana) but my hair is not that cooperative so as long as i can still put it up in a tie, i'm fine.

anyway, after that hair cut went to a wake somewhere in quezon ave. my friend who went there also just lost her dad a few months ago. i lost my mom last March. now another friend lost her dad. i don't know what's up with 2018 but a lot of friends have been losing people they love. only goes to show how fleeting life is. so just live it like you have only a day to live and love like there is no tomorrow.

Currently listening to: scared to be lonely -martin garrix, dua lipa
Currently reading: big little lies - liane moriarty
Currently feeling: reflective
Posted by princess_bride on December 17, 2018 at 05:52 PM | dance with me
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