princess_bride

So ok, I have mentioned about having a new boss and an expanded role. We already had a few 1:1 calls and sometimes I feel like he is just too good to be true. He is so professional and kind and nice. I wasn't expecting it. My ex boss prepped me and told me to be on my toes as my new boss was known to be straight forward, frank and can be ruthless. But so far I haven't felt that way. He is conscious of my work time. Although we still have evening calls (can't help that, he is in the US) But everytime we end the call he'd say for me to go to sleep and stop working so late. hahaha

He always tells me that I am still in the learning curve and not to pressure myself to deliver anything as he understands that I am new to the role and that I need to adjust. His expectation is for me to learn and observe in preparation for fall plan and transformation strategies for next year. Sometimes I wonder do I deserve this? I guess I was just used to feeling left out before working amongst Doctors, Nurses, Safety Professionals that it took time for me to blend. I am the only finance person in the team reporting to the Director who is a Doctor. So imagine my struggle to always find ways to prove that even with a different background I can help with global strategies and improving process flows. It worked towards the end and then I was transferred.

I feel like my previous role was in a tough working environment. Those who shine in my boss' eyes were all in the medical field. And no matter how hard you work, it will never be enough. I never felt this in my previous employers. I have always been my boss' favorite. Not because I kiss ass, but because I work extra hard. Yet all of them have the same background as  I do. In accounting and finance. So yeah maybe there's that. I really don't know. I hope it's different this time. It's still the same although the team have more generic backgrounds as I am part of the bigger umbrella of the organization.

I hope it's different. And while I am here, while I still try to blend yet again, I will just dance.

princess_bride

I just remembered I celebrated my 5th year in my current employer last February. And as the adage says, it was a roller coaster ride. I had to deal with a few difficult personalities but was able to pull through. I was doing different work from what I was used to. And the environment was different as I was reporting to a boss who was not familiar with my line of work. It was a tough few years. And then I got involved in a project which I lead. Then skilled up to be an ISO auditor.

Being part of the global leadership team of this specific business unit has a lot of challenges. And it seems like you are constantly trying to evolve to keep up. One, most of our headcount are essential because of legal requirements but the business doesn't seem to see value in what we do....that is until COVID. Now they realize how the team is bare skin and bones due to the transformation over the years.

And then I was transferred just recently to a new boss. They have expanded my role and now a member of 2 global leadership teams. It was supposed to be a promotion until COVID. Everyone now is trying to be wise with managing financials. I won't complain. As long as I have a job since I have to support my family now being the sole bread winner. Tough times indeed. The new normal. (hate that term)

Still adjusting with the new organization. Had webex calls with the other managers to learn about the operations on their specific geographies. I honestly am quite unsure about things now. I just feel like after all the effort of learning the ropes of my prev org now I need to adjust and learn again. Again, shouldn't be complaining really. Just scared of the uknown I guess.

There is a lot of uncertainty all around. It gets me anxious. I try to be more mindful and resilient. I got to survive this.

princess_bride

After having lunch in the US a few weeks ago at P.F. Chang's they gave me a fortune cookie and it says:

"You will move to a wonderful new home within the year."

Not really sure what that means initially. I don't think it's literal because we have no current plans of moving out of Mandaluyong even if we have our own place now in Cavite. Manda is just so accessible, can't give that up just yet. It seems like it's career related. Maybe a new Company?

Until, a few weeks ago my boss from the US called me up. She was having a strategy meeting in NY and shared with me that they were planning to move me to a new boss, handling bigger responsibilities. She said it is a promotion. I wouldn't get ahead of myself and celebrate this early until it's official. So maybe this is what my fortune cookie meant?

Anyhow, I'd like to claim about the good things to come. Please Lord let this be it. If this is Your will, please grant my hearts wishes.

princess_bride

It has been 8 years since that trip. Wow, that long! And the memories were just like yesterday. I remember the note I have typed on my phone for him to read. And the tears along that message. Didn't think I'd cry that much, the feelings were just raw and unadulterated. It has always been good until someone comes along. I couldn't blame him, I wasn't free as well. There were a lot of good times. And I guess those are the ones I wanted to keep and treasure. I could only wish that it was the same for him.

Last week I have been watching this kdrama series on netflix - One Spring Night. The whole time it just keep on reminding me of him, of that part of my life with him. It was indeed special. The OST, the lead actor's boyish grin, half smile, shy glances, the story line...everything and it just all came rushing back. After 8 years, why? Your guess is as good as mine. Sigh

******************

Been on biz travel since the 14th. US for 4 days and then now in Rio, Brazil. I just want to go home.

******************

princess_bride

i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. i just want to pull my hair out. or worse, do something really drastic just to escape from this predicament. and whatever rant i make, i still just feel so alone and hopeless. i kept praying for a miracle but it is like it's falling on deaf ears. i am desperate and in a desolate place. what to do? where to go?

i need an escape route. i want out. =(

princess_bride

i came upon a fork in the road

and chose the one that isolated myself from you

it took a while to get to that point

where there was no turning back

it was years when my heart kept giving

until there was no more left to give

ultimately felt i couldn't give enough

inspite of all the love and giving

ultimately felt i needed to give that space

for you to grow and meet someone

who has more than enough to give.

~ GP

princess_bride

day by day i realize

everything i miss about you

was never there in the first place

~ the person i fell in love with was a mirage

The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur

princess_bride

Karma is the law of cause and effect. (1) Karma is action, whether physical or mental, individual or performed by a group, and each action has a consequence. ~ wikipedia

---------------------------------

I have always believed in 'karma'. I have proven that time and again when one have been cruel to another person, karma bites back like a bitch. Case in point, someone I know got pregnant and the guy responsible was a complete ass and denied that he has anything to do with it. He eventually got married and 21 years after, he remained childless until now. Another proof, a woman almost destroyed a family. She became a mistress of a married man. A year after the family discovered their affair, she was diagnosed with cancer. And that mans family is suffering financially.

So you see, if you think that in your past you have been cruel to someone - it will not hurt to sincerely apologize. And as much as you can, make that conscious effort to be kind to others. One may think that time will heal all wounds. Everything is forgotten. Think again. What goes around comes around. 

princess_bride

So during Padre Pio's feast day last Sept 23, coming from the chapel in Eastwood accidentally came across this Dyipko that has a terminal in Petron. Apparently this goes through C5 and then turns right in Shaw and ends in Shangri-la. For a 21 peso fare, not bad at all. I always took grab or the hubbs would fetch me or bring me to work. But sometimes when he is busy with work, don't have a choice but to commute.

Got to try it today, it is like a mini bus with aircon and wifi. Very comfy, I love it. Just don't like the idea of having to get to another jeep and tricycle to get home. But compared to a 300+ grab ride vs a 55 peso commute, I'd rather go for the latter all things considered.

One unusual experience though, encountered a crazy lady in the jeep going home (not the Dyipko) I had my headphones on so didn't exactly hear what she was mumbling about until she punched my leg 3x. I was dumbfounded and asked her what the hell her problem was, then she said I crammed into her space when there were a lot of spaces around. And I asked why she had to hurt me? And told her there was a lot of space where I sat in, no need to be violent. Then she alighted the jeep and was taunting me to go down the jeep too. My reaction? Deadma! I won't stoop down to her level excuse me. Besides, loka loka sya noh! The rest of the passengers agreed that she was indeed crazy.

Minsan na lang ako mag commute, naka encounter pa ako ng baliw! Hay nako!