i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. i just want to pull my hair out. or worse, do something really drastic just to escape from this predicament. and whatever rant i make, i still just feel so alone and hopeless. i kept praying for a miracle but it is like it's falling on deaf ears. i am desperate and in a desolate place. what to do? where to go?

i need an escape route. i want out. =(

Currently reading: A Gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles
Currently feeling: depressed
Posted by princess_bride on December 18, 2019 at 03:22 PM | 2 danced with me

i came upon a fork in the road

and chose the one that isolated myself from you

it took a while to get to that point

where there was no turning back

it was years when my heart kept giving

until there was no more left to give

ultimately felt i couldn't give enough

inspite of all the love and giving

ultimately felt i needed to give that space

for you to grow and meet someone

who has more than enough to give.

~ GP

Currently listening to: can you hear my heart?
Currently reading: A Gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles
Currently feeling: creative
Posted by princess_bride on December 11, 2019 at 01:24 PM | dance with me

day by day i realize

everything i miss about you

was never there in the first place

~ the person i fell in love with was a mirage

The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur

Currently listening to: Circles - Post Malone
Currently reading: A Gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles
Currently feeling: busy
Posted by princess_bride on December 9, 2019 at 10:26 AM | dance with me

Karma is the law of cause and effect. (1) Karma is action, whether physical or mental, individual or performed by a group, and each action has a consequence. ~ wikipedia


I have always believed in 'karma'. I have proven that time and again when one have been cruel to another person, karma bites back like a bitch. Case in point, someone I know got pregnant and the guy responsible was a complete ass and denied that he has anything to do with it. He eventually got married and 21 years after, he remained childless until now. Another proof, a woman almost destroyed a family. She became a mistress of a married man. A year after the family discovered their affair, she was diagnosed with cancer. And that mans family is suffering financially.

So you see, if you think that in your past you have been cruel to someone - it will not hurt to sincerely apologize. And as much as you can, make that conscious effort to be kind to others. One may think that time will heal all wounds. Everything is forgotten. Think again. What goes around comes around. 

Currently listening to: how do you sleep - sam smith
Posted by princess_bride on November 18, 2019 at 01:05 PM | dance with me

So during Padre Pio's feast day last Sept 23, coming from the chapel in Eastwood accidentally came across this Dyipko that has a terminal in Petron. Apparently this goes through C5 and then turns right in Shaw and ends in Shangri-la. For a 21 peso fare, not bad at all. I always took grab or the hubbs would fetch me or bring me to work. But sometimes when he is busy with work, don't have a choice but to commute.

Got to try it today, it is like a mini bus with aircon and wifi. Very comfy, I love it. Just don't like the idea of having to get to another jeep and tricycle to get home. But compared to a 300+ grab ride vs a 55 peso commute, I'd rather go for the latter all things considered.

One unusual experience though, encountered a crazy lady in the jeep going home (not the Dyipko) I had my headphones on so didn't exactly hear what she was mumbling about until she punched my leg 3x. I was dumbfounded and asked her what the hell her problem was, then she said I crammed into her space when there were a lot of spaces around. And I asked why she had to hurt me? And told her there was a lot of space where I sat in, no need to be violent. Then she alighted the jeep and was taunting me to go down the jeep too. My reaction? Deadma! I won't stoop down to her level excuse me. Besides, loka loka sya noh! The rest of the passengers agreed that she was indeed crazy.

Minsan na lang ako mag commute, naka encounter pa ako ng baliw! Hay nako!

Currently listening to: The Bones - Maren Morris
Currently feeling: annoyed
Posted by princess_bride on October 8, 2019 at 12:16 AM | dance with me
(Morisette, I belong to the zoo)
Nakatulong ba nung lumayo ako
'Di ba 'yon naman ang 'yong ginusto
Simula pa no'n, kahit hanggang ngayon
Lahat ng daan ay pabalik sa'yo
Balang araw ay makikita mong
'Di kailangan lumayo (kinailangang lumayo)
Kung paglisan lang ang paraan
Kahit nasa'n ka man
Nariyan pa ba ang pinangarap ko
Na aking tinalikuran para mabuo
Bakit ganon kahit sa'n lumingon
Lahat ng daan ay pabalik sa'yo
Balang araw ay makikita mong
'Di kailangan lumayo (Kinailangang lumayo)
Kung paglisan lang ang paraan
Kahit nasa'n ka man
Oooh oooh oooh
Nahanap nga sarili mo
Nawala naman ako
Masisisi mo pa ba
Kung ako'y sususuko na
Hindi mo man mapakinggan
Ang aking mga dahilan
Matatanggi mo bang
Mahal na mahal kita
Sa aking paglayag
Tiyak ika'y masasaktan
Hangad ko'y maintindihan
'Di maintindihan
Na sa tamang panahon
Hinding-hindi na iiwan
Kung 'yong pagbibigyan muli
'Di kayang pagbigyang muli
Kahit anong gawin
'Di na mababalik ang dati
Paalam, salamat
Salamat sa lahat
Balang araw ay makikita mo
'Di na sana lumayo ('Di ka sana lumayo)
Kung paglisan lang ang dahilan
Sa ating hangganan
Ikaw pa rin sana
This song is currently playing on repeat. May naalala lang ako. There goes a lot of "what-ifs"....Sigh
Currently reading: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
Currently watching: The Good Doctor S2E4 (English)
Currently feeling: reflective
Posted by princess_bride on August 8, 2019 at 09:16 PM | dance with me

I wake up early and go to work early to jumpstart my day. I feel sluggish and stressed if I do otherwise. Today, I am in as early as 7:30. We don't have strict time monitoring at work. I work from home most of the time actually. However, it is not the same for the team I belong in. Most of them come in late and go home late. I guess because most of them are single? Anyway, my point is....I am alone for 3 hours in the morning and it's freaky sometimes hahaha Good thing I have my music with me.

On another note, Grab these days are so expensive. Even when you do grabshare. I don't drive (and no plans of doing so anytime soon...hehehe) Hubby usually needs to be early on site so I am left to my own devices basically. It's good that I only go to work 2x a week. Otherwise it's just too difficult to commute. Ang init at ang lagkit pagdating sa office. Hassle. Grab needs to have strong competition so they don't monopolize the market. Sigh

Currently listening to: never really over - katy perry
Currently reading: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
Currently watching: Flower boy next door
Currently feeling: weird
Posted by princess_bride on July 9, 2019 at 10:26 AM | 2 danced with me

Been traveling a lot the past few months because of work commitments. Our business unit is working on an ISO certification and didn't realize that it entails a lot of work and preparation. This July scheduled to go to Australia to attend a conference in Sydney and then to go to Melbourne for a scrum meeting with my project team. The project I'm leading as executive sponsor have a big role in the ISO certification as we need to establish health & safety legal compliance management across the organization around the globe.

So not that used to traveling this frequent, my skin is breaking out! Ugh! At this age pa talaga. Never had this problem during my teen years. I guess brought about by stress too. But it's a good kind of stress. I'm learning a lot and I love what I'm doing. It's just that I am again setting aside time for my health. Too scared to go back to my Doctors for sure mapapagalitan na naman ako. hahaha Bakit ba kasi nauso ang diabetes? It's just so hard to manage. Nakakadepress minsan honestly. The 4x a day insulin injection, the numerous meds I had to take for a lot of things because of the complications brought about this disease. =(

I wouldn't want to end this entry on such a sad note. I'm in a happy place right now. Not perfect, but happy.

Currently listening to: patawad, paalam - moira & i belong to the zoo
Currently reading: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
Currently feeling: busy
Posted by princess_bride on July 4, 2019 at 09:51 AM | dance with me

“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?”
George Eliot, Adam Bede

Hubby and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. It was surreal. Never thought we'd come this far. Many have asked what's the secret ingredient. Love? That's so cliche. I think we've reached beyond that stage when everything was all about love. It was about forgiveness, even when it hurt so much. It was about compromise, when you know very well that it will take a lot of sacrifice from you. It was about beautiful memories, when everything seems to be fading. It was about taking it all in thinking about your children and their future. It was about trying to forget the painful past. It was about self introspection and changing, knowing that somehow you always have to improve something to make your relationship work. It's a myriad of a lot of things put together. And it's making sure that both of you are choosing each other no matter what.

These days, it seems that relationships are too easy to give up on. And it's not surprising, with the kind of environment we have. It's so easy to be tempted and so easy to tempt. I never claimed that I was the best and ideal wife (I don't think there is such a thing). I have gone through a lot of pain physically, emotionally, mentally in making this marriage work. And I know that it was the same for him. But with God's help we are here now. Trying to be strong and choosing to love each other despite of and inspite of.

Now the journey to the next 25 years.....that is if I'm still alive by that time. hehehe

Currently listening to: How do you keep the music playing - James Ingram
Currently reading: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
Currently watching: The blacklist S6E6
Currently feeling: hopeful
Posted by princess_bride on June 6, 2019 at 10:08 AM | 2 danced with me
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