I wasn't the type who would just go through the motions. I always try to give more than what was expected. At the very least 101% effort. That's why when I went through my 2018 performance review with my leader I got so disappointed and felt like my efforts weren't really recognized nor appreciated. I didn't fail but neither did I excel in my rating. I was used to always having the highest rate with all my previous employers but here I guess because of the way the organization is structured and also having to report to a Doctor who leads the team as she is the owner of the budget I manage makes all the difference.

So what to do? I don't want to sit and cry in a corner just because this happened. Honestly performance ratings are never going to be objective. I just feel that at the rate I'm going, I don't think I will move forward in terms of career advancement in the near future here. I think I need to rethink what my next steps would be. I need to assess if at this age would it still be beneficial for me to look for other opportunities or just stay put and look for internal opportunities. I have been in my comfort zone for the past 4 years here. Is it time to move out?

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata. Sigh

Currently listening to: without me - halsey
Currently reading: Revenge wears prada - Laura Weisberger
Currently watching: Lucifer
Currently feeling: restless
Posted by princess_bride on January 24, 2019 at 10:13 AM | dance with me

Just in time. I need to be reminded of these:

1) Trust no one but respect everyone.

2) What happens in the office, remain in the office. Never take office gossips to home or vice versa.

3) Enter office on time, leave on time. Your desktop is not helping to improve your health.

4) Never make relationships in the work place. It will always backfire.

5) Expect nothing. If somebody helps, feel thankful. If not, you will learn to know things on your own.

6) Never rush for a position. If you get promoted, congrats, if not it doesn't matter. You will always be remembered for your knowledge and politeness, not for your designation.

7) Never run behind office stuff. You have better things to do in life.

8) Avoid taking everything on your ego. Your salary matters. You are being paid. Use your assets to get happiness.

9) It doesn't matter how people treat you. Be humble. You are not everyone's cup of tea.

10) In the end nothing matters except family, friends, home and inner peace.

World's Mental Health day theme by WHO

Mental Health at work place

Currently listening to: Malibu nights - Lany
Currently reading: Revenge wears prada - Laura Weisberger
Currently watching: Lucifer
Currently feeling: disappointed
Posted by princess_bride on January 22, 2019 at 10:46 PM | dance with me

**warning this is a non-new year post** Tongue Out

I have been binge-watching on netflix the past few days (YOU). A break from binge-reading two books in a row. Feeling ko wala ako work kinabukasan, pero eto antok na antok ako....pahiram nga ng toothpick LOL!!! Pag work from home ako I can manage to squeeze in a few winks....ok sometimes pag light ang load a lot of winks! hahaha

Seryoso! I can't do too much coffee nagpapalpitate ako. I can only manage 1 cup a day. 2 max pero dapat mild coffee lang (sugar free of course) Lately been drinking a lot of tea. Never liked it in the past but for some reason I have learned to like the taste. Depende pala din sa type of tea. I love the tea menu at Coffee Bean. Pero feeling ko di ako nagigising sa tea. Wahhhhh

My PH boss is coming in a few...I need to wake the *F up!!!!

Currently listening to: here i am - beyonce
Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by princess_bride on January 8, 2019 at 11:53 AM | dance with me

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. you get what i mean? at the rate i'm going, feel ko talaga maswerte pa kung umabot ako ng 50. super blessed na kung umabot ako ng 60. no kidding! this darn diabetes is killing me slowly. =( i blame the genes....ok and the lifestyle too. had a series of tests last week and yesterday i got a text message from the hospital telling me that one came out with significant findings and i need to see my endocrinologist asap. that freaked me out.

the specific lab test was fundus photo. it had something to do with my vision. last year it was discovered i had stage 2 retinopathy. now it looks like it got worse. when left untreated it could lead to blindness. ang dami na pumasok sa isip ko. how about my work? how about my family? how about my reading? i love books! how about my kdrama addiction? as in my mind is messed up right now. and i just feel so alone and helpless. i don't think people around me know how serious this is. and ayoko magpaka-pa importante. so as long as i can do this on my own, i will.

so that's one. another is peripheral neuropathy, the Doctor said initial findings is my nerves are damaged. and yes it's another complication of having diabetes for 17 years. i feel pins and needles and stabbing pain on my legs and fingers and the past months it's getting worse. i have sleepless nights because of this. i honestly think para akong nauupos na kandila. seryoso!

last is my heart...yes this wounded heart. ang drama ano? pero truth be told, my Cardiologist is doing his best and making me go thru a lot of tests before doing an angiogram on me. and i'm scared as hell. i lost my Uncle a few years ago and my Mom just this year because of diabetes complications. and the heart was the main culprit. don't know how to be strong anymore. a lot of people are depending on me to be strong. i keep this brave front but inside i'm falling apart.

please pray for me.

Currently feeling: scared
Posted by princess_bride on December 18, 2018 at 08:37 AM | 6 danced with me

filipinos are so creative. so they were saying that if our PH bet loses never have your hair cut at the salon lagot ang buhok mo sa bading, but if she wins, by all means do it. baka free pa plus rebond. hahah funny ano? so i just had this crazy thought, why the hell did i get that haircut yesterday? sana today na lang after manalo ni Catriona, nakalibre pa sana ako. hehehe

kidding aside, it's been months that i've been meaning to get that darn haircut. but couldn't find the time to do so. until yesterday while waiting for a friend at the shang mall for lack of better things to do, decided to get my hair cut. wanted it short really (i guess it comes with age...hahaha less maintenance sana) but my hair is not that cooperative so as long as i can still put it up in a tie, i'm fine.

anyway, after that hair cut went to a wake somewhere in quezon ave. my friend who went there also just lost her dad a few months ago. i lost my mom last March. now another friend lost her dad. i don't know what's up with 2018 but a lot of friends have been losing people they love. only goes to show how fleeting life is. so just live it like you have only a day to live and love like there is no tomorrow.

Currently listening to: scared to be lonely -martin garrix, dua lipa
Currently reading: big little lies - liane moriarty
Currently feeling: reflective
Posted by princess_bride on December 17, 2018 at 05:52 PM | dance with me

Recently travelled to Bilbao, Spain end of September to attend a conference and then to Prague for our annual leadership strategy meeting. Although we worked most of the time, we did manage to go around to do some sightseeing. Honestly, out of the countries I had the opportunity to go to I am most impressed at those in Europe. You are like walking inside a history book. The old structures are amazing. Buildings, churches, cobblestoned streets. Just walking around feels very romantic kahit wala kang kaholding hands. Pwede na sa imagination. Hehehe

Bilbao, Spain- is an industrial port city in Northern Spain. It is surrounded by great architecture with the iconic building Guggenheim Museum as one of the main attractions of the city. The Casco Viejo is the medieval old quarter where you can find gothic inspired structures. La Ribera market has food stalls in a boatlike waterfront structure, flanked by pintxo bars serving Basque tapas on sticks. A market that accepts credit card when you buy meat. =)

Prague, Czech Republic - is the largest city and the capital of the Czech Republic. The heart of it's historic core is the Old Town Square where you can find colorful Baroque buildings, Gothic churches and the Medieval Astronomical clock which gives an animated hourly show. The Charles Bridge built in the 14th century is lined up with statues of Catholic Saints which is best to be visited early morning as it can get really touristy and crowded. 

I am looking forward to 2019 travel prospects. They are looking at Argentina at this point. Interesting!

On a side note, 4Q Finance deliverables is driving me crazy. I need a long vacation! 3 global projects ongoing, I am the executive sponsor for one and this project is critical to the ISO 45001 implementation next year. So ano na? I need wine and cheese or Soju. hahaha

Currently listening to: Love you anymore - Michael Bublé
Currently feeling: busy
Posted by princess_bride on November 22, 2018 at 12:20 PM | 2 danced with me

so someone gave us fresh fish. like a medium bucket full. and we didn't know what to do with it. hahaha. i mean i watch them clean em up in the market but never tried it at home. didn't even know if we have to remove all the scales or whatever. hassle! well, just thankful for the gift. at least there's something that we can cook quickly. now how to remove that fishy stench on my hand is another story. sigh.

Currently reading: the paper menagerie
Currently feeling: amused
Posted by princess_bride on November 9, 2018 at 01:49 PM | dance with me

Across the night sky

I find a shooting star

Leaping through dark clouds

emitting the brightest of light

Too fast to hold

Too far to reach

I closed my eyes

and made a wish

for that star to shine it's brightest

for unanswered wishes come true

no matter how fast you are

or how far you go

the dark clouds

shall always remember

that your light once flickered

through this path. ~ cloudy

Currently reading: the paper menagerie
Currently feeling: reflective
Posted by princess_bride on November 5, 2018 at 12:00 PM | dance with me

I have been staring at this blank white space for quite some time now. Not really sure what to write about. So many boring things happening in my life right now. Hahaha..like work. Ughhh....sometimes I hate being an adult. Can I just spend a day not thinking about anything but having fun? Hmmm even when I travel I need to get to work. Coz bills you now. They come in like clockwork....Sigh.

Well, what's stopping me? I can say anything under the sun here. Nobody cares anyway. (and nobody knows me) Hahaha. Sometimes you are just so used in putting up this front. I was watching this kdrama the other day and a quote there struck me somehow. "Just because you're not crying doesn't mean you're not sad. Just like how smiling doesn't mean you're happy." So boom yeah! Story of my life! Hah!

I was crying like crazy over the weekend. I know it's definitely not PMS. I miss my Mom. But I cried in secret. I didn't want people to find out I'm such a mess. I don't know, I'm not that close to my Mom. We fight so much and don't agree most of the time. But I guess what they said it's true. It's different when you lose your Mom. I lost my Dad years ago he figured in a motorcycle accident. It was painful too. But I don't know, losing my Mom is like losing such a big part of myself. Even if we don't agree on anything, she was such a big influence in my life. I am me now because of her. My work ethics, my discipline, my values, etc. I have always been trying hard to over achieve to meet my Mom's high standards hahaha. And it helped me a lot. It helped me grow as a person and as a professional. Sigh I just wish she was still around and I could just try to be more patient with her. I miss you Mommy!

Currently listening to: I'm still here - Sia
Currently reading: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy - Sheryl Sandberg
Currently watching: Radio Romance - Kdrama
Currently feeling: blah
Posted by princess_bride on October 16, 2018 at 07:59 AM | dance with me
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