i wanted to brag about my new starbucks planner. however, i'm so not in the mood to take pictures let alone talk about anything interesting. kahapon pa ako nagiisip ng magandang topic. walang pumapasok nakakainis!

i just feel that my life is so uninteresting right now. sighh....eto na naman ako nagrereklamo. i guess its just not my day today. i want to sleep the day away. kung pwede lang sana.

okay, maybe i feel much better today because i had enough sleep last night. so now i can brag all i want abt getting my starbucks planner. hehehe. had dinner with siemens officemates @ dad's glorietta last monday. then had coffee at starbucks 6750 - i claimed my planner there.



as soon as i got it, sinulatan ko na agad. loved the pen as well.

i love christmas, its the season where old friends and relatives get together. its my first christmas without my dad. i miss him a lot. somehow, losing him left a void in my heart. its like having a missing piece. and its going to take awhile getting used to.

on a different note, i remember when i was young, my parents made me believe that Santa Claus exist. and then as i grew up, i realized that they were my Santa Claus. i did it different with my kids this time. they only know Santa Claus from the movies. but in real life they are aware of the people who gave them gifts on christmas day.

Let Us Keep Christmas
Whatever else be lost among the years,
Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing;
Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears,
Let us hold close one day, remembering
It's poignant meaning for the hearts of men.
Let us get back our childlike faith again.
~Grace Knoll Crowell


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"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need." ~mgray

what should it take for us to realize an individual's worth? sometimes giving oneself is not even enough. i know this is not something new to anyone. unrequited love, unacknowledged friendship...such familiar territory to majority of us here in tabulas.

its true, how we pick and choose people we want to be close to, then tend to ignore the ones who really matter. ironic, but these are facts of life that slaps us in the face more often than we want to.

i had my share of being stranded in a relationship. its like waiting for a fast train to hit you. but the reality of the matter is, it was my choice. i have chosen to get hurt, but still loved the person no matter how painful it was.

you could cry gallons of tears until you get numb and start not to feel anything anymore. yes, i assure you, there will always be that point when you will transcend the pain. and the path going there is never easy.

at the end of the day, you can only pray. that whoever caused you pain will realize your worth and hope that when that time comes, it will not be too late.

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my departments xmas party was held last friday at my crib. although its not a big place to hold a party, we had fun. our kids had fun as well.

i got a nice necklace from our kris kringle. its nice to have a wishlist beforehand para di na mahirapan magisip yung magreregalo. i gave my baby a small electric fan. yun kse wish nya eh.

i know this is such a juvenile kind of thing. however, what the heck i just want to express how i feel. i am well aware of my age and i feel that i should be so beyond this. eh ganon eh. i admire someone from work. sige i will use the teenager term "crush".

maybe the reason i didn't want to talk abt it was because i felt it was wrong. somehow deep inside, i knew something was not right. i think i've mentioned him a few months ago. he's the one with intials AAN. he is tall dark and uhmmm...not that handsome. promise hindi sya gwapo talaga. pero he has this certain aura that draws me to him like magnet.

putek parang bata diba? kahit ako di ko maintindihan why and how. basta i admire him...from afar. actually, i started noticing him abt August last year. i was broken and was trying to pick up the pieces so maybe that was the reason why i had to have some kind of inspiration so to speak.

our units interacted often however it was our staff that did most of the communication. we both get involved only during sensitive issues. so we hardly had the chance to talk that often. ang hirap grabe. kasi i felt i had to learn more about him but then again thought otherwise as i didn't want to give anybody the wrong impression.

well, anyway, to cut the long story short - we do text often, and call each other every now and then to discuss business issues. but other than that - parang we have a silent understanding not to pursue even the friendship as we might fall into something we will regret later on.

i don't know. i told you i'm too old for this. sometimes it is just so frustrating to like somebody but you cannot do anything about it. and what hurts the most is knowing that its not a one-sided deal. sayang diba? howell, sometimes life sucks talaga!

(howie day)

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

*****************************************

this is for you my angel. you may never know how i really feel for you but i just wanna thank you for keeping me sane and above water. if there's anything that i want to tell you - its this - we may never be together, but i'm happy whenever you are around. we may have maintained this space between, but you do have a way to make my heart smile. you just don't know how much that means to me.

(Panky Trinidad)

The shadow lies a bit too long across my path
And it bleeds too much on blue grey gutters and fireflies
Black and cold into my shoes turn my skin blue
A little spider crawling out to weave around my heart in moonlight wind

CHORUS
And when you see my eyes, does your heart receive these words in mine
And when you close your eyes, do you see me in these dreams I hide
If I could steal one thing, I would grab your heart and make it mine
For your heart

INTERLUDE

Little thoughts and feelings found behind those eyes
I refuse to know the truth, to know the reason why you and I can never be
I try to build a wall, try to heal the hurt inside
But it pains me even more to know that it's too late,
that I'm too late

[Repeat CHORUS except last line]

Your heart

BRIDGE
'Cause I can't see your face every time I gaze those skies when I cry
Doesn't feel so right but you can never be mine

[Repeat CHORUS except last line]

Make it mine
Does your heart receive these words in mine
Do you see me in these dreams I hide
I would grab your heart and make it mine
I would grab your heart and make it mine

**************************************

a sad song. that goes with my gloomy mood today. sigh...

i've been having frequent asthma attacks maybe due to the climate. good thing my kids didn't inherit this.

my kids' exam week. told my son this morning to do good and read the directions well. and he said in reply - may God be with me. makulit talaga yun.

at least he made me smile today.

i've been so immersed in my work that i hardly had time to sit down and coach my kids in their assignments/ quizzes or exams. i felt so inept as a mother so made it up to them this time.

i have 3 kids. two are with me, my eldest girl who is already in grade 6 and my son who is in grade 3. my youngest girl, is still in pre-school and since it was difficult to find decent househelp these days i had no choice but to let my in-laws take care of her.

i digress, i made reviewing a bit different this time. i dunno, i just thought my kids are too stressed in school so they need a diversion inspite of a serious and tiring week. i made jokes and danced in between discussions which made them laugh real hard. well, of course that is during those subjects when i can see that they have reviewed well already.

however, for those they find difficult to study. i sit down and explain in detail (if i had to translate it, i do) and if it needs some teaching aid like if it is a program in computer - i explain it like it was done the first time. of course you cannot be assured that a teacher can explain everything in a few sessions.

we all had fun reviewing the past few days. i come home tired from work but i had to think mind over matter so that i can be able to review my kids better without losing my temper.

on another note, my househelp is leaving for vacation tomorrow. well, good luck to me...in the middle of my workload, school exams of my kids i have to do more household chores again. sighhh....i wonder if i can enjoy the few days off from work this year.

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

**********************************

i was in a cab this morning going to work when i got to listen to this song from my mobile phone. can't help but shed a tear. i miss you dad. this song is for you. we never had the chance to talk heart to heart after all the hurtful words we've said to each other. although our actions meant to be a peace gesture. i still hope i've said i'm sorry.

i've been trying to keep a brave front when it comes to your memory. i wanted so bad for you to move on to that place where you should really be. the christmas season is another reason for us to miss you all the more. i remember last year you took the kids out for shopping and i was not around because i was at work.

come to think of it, there were a lot of times when you come for a visit i would only get to see you late when i get back from work. i wish i could've spent more time with you. i wish i could share my pain with my siblings and with mom. but your passing on lead to us drifiting apart because of things i don't have control over.

i know i could cry all i want and still things will never be the same. but let me release this pain one last time. forgive my tears dad, its insane for me to think that i could just move on after 11 months of grieving. i am immensely missing you right now daddy. pls watch over me.

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." ~Pam Brown

I have met with my friends from my first job (Informatics) last night. We had sumptuous dinner at Banana Leaf Podium and cups of coffee at starbucks. Two of them came from Canada. Its actually been a year since I last saw all of them. I was even asked if I also went abroad because I hardly attend their gimmiks. If I was not busy I was sick. Howell, I realized how much I missed keeping in touch with most of my friends. sigh

It was a fun night. The Canadian couple was able to get a starbucks planner in one night. They claimed that these kind of promo is only available here in the Philippines. So you can just imagine how 10 people gulped 21 cups of coffee last night. hahaha...we finished at 1am. I hope that I can keep in touch as often as I can next time.

Its nice to have friends. People who are still there no matter the distance or the time you were apart. Material gifts are just secondary blessings that one appreciates during this season. The best part is the sharing of love and friendship - these things that we can keep forever in our hearts.

Merry Christmas to everybody!

it was a well spent four-day vacation. saturday was the "jologs" xmas party held in qc. sunday was last minute shopping time. monday was childrens party at my in-laws' place. monday night was drinking spree with childhood friends. and yesterday was spent trying to get myself back to normal. (had a terrible hangover...blechh)

my kids enjoyed so much this xmas. the parties right and left kept them busy and gave them the opportunity to catch up with a few friends. and same with me. enjoyed the drinking spree the best. been a long time since my last alcohol consumption. there were four of us girls (guys had separate drinks) that had my favorite drink jose cuervo tequila.

the first 700 liters wasn't enough for us. so we had the guys buy us some more. but since it was xmas time, stores closed up early. the guys who left to buy took long to get back. much to our impatience, we decided to drink one round of fundador (that the guys were drinking) hahaha silly us, after that was history! the second bottle of tequila was not as suave as jose cuervo it was one of those cheap ones, yet we managed to finish the second bottle in no time.

the girl whose bf claimed was a certified "drinker" was the first one who threw up. we got all giddy and drunk. but we managed to sing a few songs before cleaning the place up. so you can just imagine how terrible i felt yesterday. i thought i won't be able to get up. i think the problem was i did not throw up. so the alcohol was stuck too long in my stomach. my world was swirling yesterday. hehehe

anyhoo, here i am back to work. and i feel like sleeping the whole day. sighhh...