after months of trying to squeeze in time from my crazy sched to finish Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book, i have finally am updated in the HP series. pretty sad ending if you'd ask me. i was almost in tears by the end of the book. i can be really sensitive when it comes to losing someone especially thru death.

i don't know, rainy season always has this gloomy effect on me. it just becomes more profound when i read a sad book or watch a sad movie. however, i love dancing in the rain. go figure. when i was growing up i used to play in the rain with my friends. that is if my parents are out coz otherwise i need to stay put at home. hehehe

well, its nice to be back in my reading hobby...i think at times its better than playing poker. actually, it really depends on my mood. the past few days, i'd rather be a couch potato and read books or watch dvd's. not into socializing much. i'm really tired from work so that when i get extra time i try to relax at home and get some needed rest.

ok, wanted to write some more....but i have to interview this guy who could be joining my team anytime soon. i need all the help i can get these days. its a good thing that my boss is very supportive of my group. lucky me!

early in the afternoon today i suddenly had this urge to look up for my baby sis' blog site. i miss her, i miss my family. we've been estranged for about 6 months after having a squabble over my dad's estate. i believe everything was done in bad taste. and hurtful words were thrown at me that i could not digest. being the eldest i believe i deserve a little respect.

i decided to remain silent amidst all the cursing and the harsh accusations. i've been disowned by my own mom for not signing a waiver that would mean giving up claim over all the properties left by my dad. not that i was being materialistic or what. i was just trying to protect the interest of my sisters and of course my kids. i just felt that being our mom she'd be generous enough to think of the future of her daughters and her grandchildren.

rancor filled all the text messages i have received from them. three against one. it wasn't supposed to be a war. i was accused of being treacherous and a lot of hurtful things. i can't even begin to think about them because it will just bring back those days when amidst the pressure at work i was crying during office hours after receiving messages from them that i did not even have the heart to reply to.

i have issued a special power of attorney to my 3rd sis. so that she'd be the one to facilitate the case i filed against the bus company and the driver who caused my dad's demise. it was all encompassing... meaning she can represent me in any sale, receipt of payment etc regarding my dad's estate. i hate fighting about money. i said this before and i will say it again. i'd rather be poor than have money and then be put in bad light by people who were supposed to be my flesh and blood. i can work to support my family. i have never even thought of claiming things that were not mine.

i was just standing up for what i knew was right. and i believe that it was what my dad would have wanted. everyone to have their fair share of what he left behind. there was not much really. so i can't really understand where all their blabbering is coming from.

no matter how much pain they have inflicted on me.... i still miss them. i miss hugging my baby sis. i wish someday they would be able to realize that i was standing up for them... for their future.

"when you lose someone you love, you don't lose them once...you lose them in pieces." - simon birch

went into this crying bout the past weekend from watching three movies from star movies. (geezzz redundant) i miss my dad terribly. its not true that when you've been good to someone and that you've said and shown that you love that person most of the time that it would be easy to let him go. its been 7 months and i still cry like a baby when i think about him.

i wish i could be given one more day with my dad. i miss bear-hugging him. he was not the sweet kind. in fact, he was very aloof and he seem to be afraid to show his emotions. but that never stopped me from reaching out to him. even after learning that he made this stupid mistake of hooking up with an officemate which bore a halfsister who looks so much like me. i listened to him.

my mom has this tendency of declaring martial law at home. of course with what my dad has done she declared that we cut all connections from my dad. she even told me not to let him in my house. wtf? i'm not a kid anymore. i have a mind of my own and besides how dare she tell me what to do....i pay my rent, its my house. i was 28 yrs old when it happened.

that event started this rift between me, my mom and my siblings. i never condoned what my dad has done. but i saw how hard he tried to work things out. can't blame him and i can't blame my mom for feeling that way. it was their ireconcilable differences that finally broke their wedding vows.

when my dad died not even one of them went to his funeral. i was grieving alone. only with my aunts who went home from abroad and my 91 yr old grandmother who were there to comfort me and help me out in dealing with my dad's demise. grief-stricken i had to gather all the courage to be able to go through burying him, filing the case etc without my family. of course even with my aunts and grandmother around it would have been more easy for me if my mom and sisters were there.

its a done deal. and everything went from worse to unbearable after he died. i have been declared an outcast from my family. been stuck in a web of lies and deceit. only to find out that on their side, it was the other way around. how painful it could be to hear your mom say that she regrets giving birth to you and that i am not welcome in the family anymore.

i lost my dad....and then i lost my mom...and then my siblings. i still grieve...and i grieve alone.

Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone
Lost out in the desert
you are lost out in the desert
But to stand with you in a ring of fire
I'll forget the days gone by
I'll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight
Lost out in the desert
If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above for snow to fall on the Sahara
Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold
Lost out in the desert
If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above for snow to fall on the Sahara

wow, can't believe i would survive hell week at work. this is the view from the other side. and i thought my sched before was crazy. attending meetings here and there can really eat up so much of my time, plus the fact that i attend this training half day three times a week.

good if i could just sit down and listen. had to endure a really complicated exam this morning. i wasn't able to prepare. went home at 10pm trying to clean up documents that i need to approve within the day plus a vat report that we had to arrange for presentation to the CFO today.

in other words, i failed. for the first time...i was trying my best to retain the high grades i've been getting from the past exams. well, i guess i was pushing myself too hard. i might be aiming for something that is not possible at this point.

hope springs eternal. i know i will find time for this soon. but not now. my department was left in topsy-turvy condition by my boss. i didn't even know how to start turning things around. the view from the top is really different. now i am beginning to understand the resentments and the impatience of some difficult people at work.

we are making little steps towards a better and more service-oriented team without compromising controls. i know it would not be easy, but i believe in my team and that we could do better.

i have so many things running through my mind, so many ideas to help improve things. my table at work are full of post-its of things to remember. i just hope my body is up to all of this stress. i've been complaining of this backache for a week now. i guess i need to rest for awhile. but i can't. this weekend i have to go to bulacan - client call. hahaha...i think i need to upgrade on my memory capacity and also to replace my power supply.

happy weekend people.

alright, yesterday was a crazy day for me. actually, mondays can really stretch my brains out of limits. i slept at 3am coz i had to finish the 2nd quarter BIR ITR for my client in Bulacan. got up at 5:30am to prepare for work. so difficult to get up because the weather was conducive for sleeping. sigh

during weekends my team work on overtime to finish all backlogs for the past week. its the only time they can do it without being disturbed with phone calls and so much queries. monday a.m. my supervisors review their work afterwhich they flood my desk with all these docs. most of them with a "rush" sign flashing before my eyes.

didn't even have time to have breakfast. sorted the docs and prioritized the urgent documents that i should sign in the morning before i go to my sap training in libis. so worked up as i haven't reviewed for the hands on exam. as soon as i'm done with the priorities, at 8:30 i leave for the training.

brought the very heavy binder with the training materials so i could at least browse something on my way there. only to find out that inspite of failing the last exam last friday i was able to qualify for the exemption in the hands on exam. great! we are now working on a case group study which is the final activity that we should present and defend in front of big bosses on friday. tough!

arriving the office at lunch time, my table is practically covered with documents. something that when piled altogether would be enough to hide me from people. hahaha. yep it was one long day yesterday. sigh.

okey so it was my bestfriends birthday last monday. i didn't have the heart not to attend her party. i had a busy day then and i didn't have enough sleep. but then again, well ganon ata talaga pag mahalaga syo ang tao. you'll endure everything to let that person know that she is special to you.

so here's the thing, our other friend arrived there first, went in the house greeting everybody looking for my bestfriends mom not noticing that her mother in law from abroad (who owns the house) was there. mega-tampo kaya yung mother in law nya at nagemote sa second floor.

eto na, pagdating ko i kissed my bestfriend and greeted her happy birthday at para di maulit yung ginawa nung isang friend ko she warned me to greet her mother in law. so sabi ko ha? birthday din nya, sabi nya basta greet mo maya ko na kwento syo. so i went to her mom-in-law kissed her and greeted her happy birthday.

apparently, my friend didn't hear my question very well. she just meant for me to greet her mom-in-law. that simple. shyet, bloopers talaga. kaya pala she was horrified when i greeted her. putik talaga. hiyang hiya ako. when she cornered me and started spilling the beans why she warned me to greet her mother in law i was flabbergasted at the mistake i made. so i told her abt the miscommunication and we laughed our heads off the whole night.

sigurado, forever na kasama itong incident na 'to sa kwentuhan namin barkada. grrrrr....

(by snowpatrol)

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

**************************

i am sooooo in love with this song.

(by the Fray)

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

******************************************

i remember a moment in time, when i was sitting in this bar having a few bottles of beer. with tears about to fall trying to figure out what went wrong. and then you came. we started to talk, you got pissed and was about to walk away. gathered enough courage to try to make you stay. but it was at that moment, when i realized that i was about to lose you...and it could be forever.

you know who you are. this song is for you.

Dear SAP Trainees,

Congratulations for a job well done. You are all now a certified FICO power users.

For the results of case study defense, Group 1 and 2 got 89.00% (its a tie) while Group 3 got 88.40%. (I belong to Group 1)

You have all passed the basic courses phase 1 training. I will provide details on the graduation commencement and who's going to be part of Phase 2 configuration next week after discussing this to your rspective division heads.

Again, thank you for allowing me to impart some of my knowledge/ expertise to build professional excellence and competency in our Company.

This is not the end of our acquaintance; it's just a beginning of a good friendship.

GOODLUCK and see you in the graduation practice and photo shoot ceremonies.


For the judges,

Thank you for finding time, providing comments and for supporting the SAP trainees as well as the SAP Academy.


Regards,

SAP Trainor

*************************************

yey! after 2 1/2 mos of training i am now a FICO (financial acctg & controlling) poweruser. amazing! didn't know i could come this far. at the rate my workload is going, i just can't believe that i was able to pass this with flying colors. i finished 8th (out of 30) in the class. not bad eh.

it was really an achievement. not a day passes when i didn't ask myself if i can still manage finishing it. amidst the crazy sched, numerous meetings, budget season, process flow improvements, family life, sideline on weekends, i managed to review for exams, attend classes thrice a week and prepare for the nerve-wrecking case study defense.

now i'm not really sure if i'm up to attending the phase 2 classes (if ever i get nominated though) i have a lot of time to think about it. meantime, have to try to catch up with stuff i missed at work and on life. sighhhh....

(by Rascal Flatts)

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

***************************************

i loovvveee my dsl connection. i could download all the songs that i wanted and i can stay online forever...hahahah.

of course, the other side of the story....that is if i could squeeze in time coz my kids are haggling the computer as it is. sighhh...

aside from my post, i have a few songs i love playing these days. to name a few:

1) Life is a highway - Rascal Flatts
2) Savin' me - Nickelback
3) Love - Keisha Cole
4) One Hello - Freestyle live @ 19th East
5) Half Crazy - Freestyle live @ 19th East
6) Leaving the pieces - The Wreckers
7) Me & You - Cassie
8) Love isn't - same same
9) Lips of an angel - Hinder
10) Song for you - Elliot Yamin

and that's not even 1/8 of my list. someone dared to ask me what was my all time favorite song. i never did get to answer that question. i am a certified music-addict and i love so many songs that it would'nt give justice if i only choose one.

so, there.....i am passionate about music and i couldn't live without it. thanks to portable MP3's i can bring em anywhere i want to.

source

(Pink)

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

***************************************

been browsing new music videos from yahoo. this is a nice song by pink. relate na naman ako that's why i've posted it.

i am loving a few songs of some bands. eg. snow patrol, the fray, rascal flatts. addicting talaga. my kids are already being influenced by my music. hahaha..cool!

its a toxic week:

monday-tuesday Subic for Departmental Business Planning
wednesday - office (finish documents for approving) and prepare pre-work for division planning
thursday-friday Atrium Hotel for Division Business Planning
saturday - office (month end closing activities)
sunday - rest (Yey!)