I hear your takin' the town again,
Havin' a good time
with all your good time friends.
I don't think that you think of me.
You're on your own now,
and I'm alone and free.
I know that I should
get on with my life,
but a life lived without you
could never be right.

(chorus
As long as the stars shine down from the heavens,
Long as the rivers run to the sea,
I'll never get over you getting over me...

I try to smile so the hurt won't show.
Tell everybody
I was glad to see you go.
But the tears just wont go away.
Loneliness found me,
looks like it's here to stay.
I know that ought to
find someone new,
but all I find is myself
always thinking of you.

(chorus)

Oh, no matter what I do
each night's a lifetime to live through.
I can't go on like this.
I need your touch.
You're the only one I'll ever love.

(chorus)

I'll never get over you getting over...
Never get over you getting over...

*****************************************

i so love this song especially the version of MYMP. this is for someone in my past. i think that the reason why it took me so long to move on was this....it was difficult to get over you getting over me.

but i'm good now...and i wish you well too.

gad, i think if things don't improve in the next few days i'm on for a nervous breakdown. i've briefed my cubicle-mate here at work where to bring me and why, just in case. yeah, i was trying to be funny. but knowing how everything around me is falling apart, i bet you'd pretty much get the picture.

i've got dark circles around my eyes caused by my insomnia. although my new eyeglasses can cover up the damage, i still feel terrible. i'm sure my bed hates me for tossing and turning the sheets the whole night. okey can i just unburden some of 'em right now?

1) i don't have househelp and my bunso is in the hospital. so even if my hubby helps out, we came to a point of having this debate of who is more tired than who...drats! binky is in the hospital since yesterday. and i haven't seen her yet. although my in-laws are there to look after her, i still feel guilty for not being able to take care of her myself.

2) work - couldn't look after my kids coz i can't leave work right away. i've been staying for long hours the past few weeks from the time i got back from the province. volume of work is not equal to the available manpower. now i have to help out my staff in doing the nitty gritty just to survive. geezz...

3) dad's estate - i've been getting this daily disturbing calls and text messages from my mom. from her bitter rantings about what happened to them in the past to the handling of his assets that we don't have any idea how to deal with (as if it is a lot - more like a lot of problems). sigh...

and if i have to enumerate the rest of my issues in life....i think i'd die........

 

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my
Spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to
have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good
reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care
of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew
from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing
came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the
second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again,
nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo."
He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I
would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo
seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But
just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had
spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and
gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my
creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,
   you have actually been growing roots?"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a
different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest
beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can
help you see that God will never give up on you.

~ Anonymous

*************************************************************

i wish inspiring readings like this could keep me going.

i think i've taken in too much stress the past few weeks. and my physical body was the first one to give in. working overtime everyday and even on weekends plus so much stress without a chance to rest took a toll on me. so today, even if my heart was decided to go to work, my body didn't seem to agree. i've been feeling sick since yesterday and was restless the whole night. i tried to get up for work, but the fever and the body malaise just made me stay in bed. 

the morning's rest was good enough for me to be able to go online right now. would you believe that i was thinking of doing it half day? hahaha...i pity myself for being such a dedicated employee...forgetting about myself and my family in the process. i think i got burnt out already. i am just looking for a chance to find myself out of this messy thing called life i have.

i miss writing...i couldn't even post regularly on my blog. i've lost the fire to keep me burning. and i don't know where or how to find it. unrelentless drive to find that inspiration... and i think i've been looking in the wrong places. i'm tired...and i'm worn out. God please help me.

 

JUST LIKE YOU                                                                                       (Keb' Mo' - ost movie "one fine day"

Hello my old friend
It's been awhile
All our old clothes
Are back in style
We went our separate ways,
Only to return
To face a lesson
We failed to learn

We didn't understand the truth
We were blinded by the eyes of youth
But time kept on moving
And a change has come
You think that I don't know
Where you're coming from

(Chorus
'Cause I feel just like you
And I cry just like you
But I heal just like you
And under my skin
I'm just like you

You gave your love and your innocence
And they took away your confidence
Well I'm not those women
I'm not those men
Put your arms around me
I am your friend

(Chorus)

(Bridge
You and everybody else
When I get hurt
I cry for help
And I've got secrets
That god only knows
And god knows I feel...

(Chorus)                             

*********************************************

as usual, couldn't sleep last night. been watching reruns at starmovies. fortunately, i caught a good one last night. this movie (One Fine Day) with michelle pfeiffer and george clooney was sure an entertaining one. the kids are sooo cute. definitely a feel good movie. hope springs eternal, even for someone like me.

 

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."

- Mother Theresa

do you remember our last kiss... the way we closed our eyes when our lips met?

do you remember when we last touched...the way our skin shiver at each other's touch?

do you remember when i said i love you...and you didn't hear me?

do you remember when you whispered silly things in my ear...and i would always blush in reply?

do you remember when we walked under the rain...and we held hands while running around looking for shelter?

do you remember the messed up sheets...when we were fooling around in bed?

do you remember the songs we sang...that surely roused up your neighbors in the middle of the night?

do you remember.....you used to paint color in my life?

i don't think you remember.....

******************************************

i composed this poem a long time ago for somebody. looking back, its sad how things turned out. but i've made a promise to myself not to think of the bad times anymore. i was happy then....if only for a few moments together. i guess there are some things in life that are better left unexplained....or maybe even better - forgotten. but i prefer to keep happy thoughts of people close to your heart. no matter how bad you have been treated....golden rule....don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

- amen....

 

its true for me. that nature is the best therapy for my too stress-stricken life. i've spent the weekend with friends in a resort in la union to unwind. took the chance to visit my dad as well in his resting place. its his birthday today. (happy birthday daddy!)

we were supposed to go to Baguio. but i suggested the resort get-away is a better idea. i needed to relax so much and i was just glad that they agreed with it. we were there at 9 am last saturday. spent most of the day in bed and preparing food with the other girls. then had an afternoon swimming at the beach. it was so much fun.

sunday morning i decided to walk along the beach. picking up sea shells. i didn't notice that i went far off the resort. i just felt so tired after awhile and realized that i should be getting back. it was so relaxing. and the sound of the waves was soothing as well. i remember telling my dad how much i wanted a beach house. it was my dream, i want to live near the sea when i get old. not some big mansion with pretty cars on the garage. i want a simple life.

on our way back to manila, we dropped by at the cemetery, lit a candle and said some prayers for dad. the trip back was much longer and tiring, but i felt my renewed self looking forward to a brand new day.

(sans the sore throat and the coughing...i feel much better...much more peaceful...)

~ Don't wait for somebody else to make you happy.

~ Buy yourself flowers.

~ Sing your own song loud.

~ Love yourself.

~ Celebrate all that is you.

Wish yourself a Happy Valentine's Day everyday.

***********************

the essence of this occassion is not only showing your love for others but also celebrating the love for oneself. be confident in the fact that you are a lovable person, it is only then that you will believe that someone else is capable of loving you.

Happy Hearts Day!

(john mayer)

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

"i can only do so much" a phrase i hear being said at work often. a kind of resignation to the fact that no matter how you wish you can be a superhero to be able to attend to everything at the same time but is never possible. its true, that no matter how dedicated and committed you are to your work, it is also a reality that the volume of work right now compared to those during the beginning of the company is really not comparable. i can only shrug my shoulders and reason out that i am no superhero but i will surely give my best to maximize what little time i have for the day.

i think the same thing goes for relationships. no matter how much you want to work things out, if its going to be a one-way street then you can bet that it will never do. if you have been always there for a friend in need, and still you go unnoticed, there's not much you can do but let your friend discern when is the right time for you to be there. if you have done things to the point of being foolish for the sake of love and yet your efforts seem fruitless then its time to learn to accept....that you can only do so much.

"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems" - Gandhi

the movie was great. feel good talaga. had a great time watching it last friday. been awhile since i've seen a movie. good thing people at work thought of de-stressing. shempre join ako.

saturday, was sideline day. went to Hagonoy, Bulacan to discuss with my client. the trip there was soothing to the soul. hehehe ang drama. loved the rice fields and the rivers that i get to see along the way. nakakarelax. although the almost 2 hour trip can be tiring. i think the income could compensate for that.

of course when my mind is idle, it wanders...overprocessing na naman.  i am feeling bad about something. i just don't want to dwell on it cause its not worth it. i guess i have given my best. and sabi nga ng song...but my best wasn't good enough. i hate it when that happens. but its beyond my control. some people just have so short memories.

i just hate it when i am being taken for granted... nakakapagod na din. kung ayaw eh di wag. i can live without you....stop treating me like crap. i don't deserve this!

some people only worry about getting the best life has to give.

but a few people - special people - think its more important to give life your best.

some people wait around, hoping good things will come to them;

you're working hard to make good things happen.

you're dreaming new dreams.

learning new things.

and accepting new challenges.

some people might be afraid of new experiences, of taking risks, but you never let that stop you.

moment by moment, day by day, you're becoming the person you want to be, and for that you're someone to be admired.

- linda staten

this was a message given to me by my officemates during my birthday last year. funny how they seem to look up to me. i guess i'm good at projecting this image...but deep inside, i'm a broken person. a lot of things that happened in my life made me one. well, i don't want to disappoint people though. i have to carry on. i mean, this tough-on-the- outside but crushed-on- the-inside-me.

would you believe, i'm still at work? and i've been working late hours the past few days. here i am waiting for my physical self to break down again before i get to take some rest. tsk tsk tsk...i guess i'm like this when i'm worked up about something. i work myself to death....hahahah. (of course i'm exaggerating, duh?)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BALONG! May you have many more birthdays to come! (kelan ang treat namin ni balasang?...hehehe)

here's my current favorite playlist that i listen to daily on my zen micro:

1) be without you - mary j. blige
2) far away - nickelback
3) spend my life with you - eric benet ft tamia
4) here i am - eric benet ft beyonce
5) i wanna be loved - eric benet
6) spolarium - imago
7) alapaap - 6th cycle mind
8) with a smile - south border
9) average joe - y-not (jologs...hehehe la lang kakaindak lang)
10) i'm with you (live) - avril lavigne
11) i still - bsb
12) crawling back to you - bsb
13) this guy's in love with you - fastball
14) bad day - david powter
15) follow through - gavin degraw
16) dawson's creek ost
17) The OC ost
18) one tree hill ost
19) ten things i hate abt you ost
20) one fine day ost
21) smallville ost
22) gone - kelly clarkson
23) mymp versions and live album
24) name, iris, slide, black balloon (acoustic) - googoo dolls
26) insensitive, if i believe, somebody, half of you - jinky vidal
27) narda - kamikazee
28) ulan - cueshe
29) chariot - gavin degraw
30) just feel better - santana ft steve tyler

.......at marami pang iba (i have about 1,200 songs on my zen micro...the above list are only some of my favorites)........gosh nakakaaliw magdownload sa dsl...ang bilis. last sunday spent time downloading at my mom's house. i think i was able to get 280 songs. geezzz....samantalang sa bahay- prepaid - 1 song per hour. dratz!!!

i'm bad. (sigh) <------------------------ wag tutularan!

(The Wreckers)

There's something 'bout the way
You looked at me
Made me think for a moment that
Maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives separately
And It's strange that things change when I've been wanting you so desperately
Oh, I cannot ignore it,
I keep giving in,
But I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change when I've been wanting you so desperately
You looked my way, you said you frustrate me
Like you're thinking of lines and times when you and I were you and me
You took our chance out on the street
Well you missed my chance and chances are
It won't be coming back to me
Oh, I cannot ignore it,
I keep giving in,
But I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change when I've been wanting you so desperately
So desperately... ho
Oh, I cannot ignore it,
I keep giving in,
But I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change when I've been wanting you so desperately
I want you so desperately, oo oo oo
I keep giving in,
But I should know better
I keep giving in,
But I should know better
So desperately
I want you so desperately

************************

yup, i should've known better........sigh!