princess_bride

filipinos are so creative. so they were saying that if our PH bet loses never have your hair cut at the salon lagot ang buhok mo sa bading, but if she wins, by all means do it. baka free pa plus rebond. hahah funny ano? so i just had this crazy thought, why the hell did i get that haircut yesterday? sana today na lang after manalo ni Catriona, nakalibre pa sana ako. hehehe

kidding aside, it's been months that i've been meaning to get that darn haircut. but couldn't find the time to do so. until yesterday while waiting for a friend at the shang mall for lack of better things to do, decided to get my hair cut. wanted it short really (i guess it comes with age...hahaha less maintenance sana) but my hair is not that cooperative so as long as i can still put it up in a tie, i'm fine.

anyway, after that hair cut went to a wake somewhere in quezon ave. my friend who went there also just lost her dad a few months ago. i lost my mom last March. now another friend lost her dad. i don't know what's up with 2018 but a lot of friends have been losing people they love. only goes to show how fleeting life is. so just live it like you have only a day to live and love like there is no tomorrow.

princess_bride

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. you get what i mean? at the rate i'm going, feel ko talaga maswerte pa kung umabot ako ng 50. super blessed na kung umabot ako ng 60. no kidding! this darn diabetes is killing me slowly. =( i blame the genes....ok and the lifestyle too. had a series of tests last week and yesterday i got a text message from the hospital telling me that one came out with significant findings and i need to see my endocrinologist asap. that freaked me out.

the specific lab test was fundus photo. it had something to do with my vision. last year it was discovered i had stage 2 retinopathy. now it looks like it got worse. when left untreated it could lead to blindness. ang dami na pumasok sa isip ko. how about my work? how about my family? how about my reading? i love books! how about my kdrama addiction? as in my mind is messed up right now. and i just feel so alone and helpless. i don't think people around me know how serious this is. and ayoko magpaka-pa importante. so as long as i can do this on my own, i will.

so that's one. another is peripheral neuropathy, the Doctor said initial findings is my nerves are damaged. and yes it's another complication of having diabetes for 17 years. i feel pins and needles and stabbing pain on my legs and fingers and the past months it's getting worse. i have sleepless nights because of this. i honestly think para akong nauupos na kandila. seryoso!

last is my heart...yes this wounded heart. ang drama ano? pero truth be told, my Cardiologist is doing his best and making me go thru a lot of tests before doing an angiogram on me. and i'm scared as hell. i lost my Uncle a few years ago and my Mom just this year because of diabetes complications. and the heart was the main culprit. don't know how to be strong anymore. a lot of people are depending on me to be strong. i keep this brave front but inside i'm falling apart.

please pray for me.