princess_bride

"The most profound statements are often said in silence." - Lynn Johnston

I guess I'm resigned to the fact that I don't mean anything to you. I just get this feeling that I always had to initiate communication, otherwise you don't care what is up with me.

It's like I am just annoying you with my daily effort to care. And you are just replying to shut me up. I don't want to argue. You seem alright without me around.

princess_bride

how much honesty do you still need before you get it into that thick head of yours? oh my, how dense can you get when it comes to him. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

he is a free-spirit. independent. have been used to a life caring/ loving people who hardly reciprocates. so don't feel slighted when he does not ask how you are. when he doesn't even care enough to know how your day was or to reply to your morning msg and ask where you are, have you eaten breakfast just like how you are to him. HE SIMPLY DOES NOT CARE! 

i must admit that i expect. but, maybe i deserve to feel that this is a two-way thing. i don't expect this to be anything more than what you clearly said before we agreed to do this again. i didn't want to tell you anymore how bad you make me feel. i'm beginning to get tired of this one-way thing. I AM NOT THAT DENSE!

you always wanted to be understood. but you almost always communicate in riddles/codes. i get lost in translation, and later on just feel that i guess i am not good enough to be a friend that you could talk to or could make you really happy. IF YOU DON'T NEED ME WHY AM I STILL HERE?

i am tired of making all the effort. i never asked for you to love me. i just wanted to feel that you also care for me like a regular friend does. no special treatment. just enough to know that i mean something....more than what you make me feel right now. MAKE ME FEEL THAT WE CO-EXIST!

princess_bride

I have actually set this account in queue for deletion. It's not that I want to forget, I just thought that all these feelings all for nothing...AGAIN! sigh the story of my life huh. 

But hell I do not want to forget. I did what made me happy. I'm sorry it was not enough. Yeah, sometimes love is not enough. I don't regret anything. Its just sad that it will always be one-way. And although promises to make up where made, sadly they never happened. I guess I wasn't that important to deserve that kind of effort. Well, ganon talaga. 

Yeah, I've been kind. I have always found something enough for me to forget how badly I've been treated. And I also know deep in my heart that he never meant to hurt me. Its just that, I am simply not his type. Boom! Yup, that in itself is enough for me to stay away. But blinded with love as I am....and yeah, a complete fool as well, I tried to numb myself from all the hurtful things that was thrown my way. 

And now, its time for me to be kind to myself. I gotta try to stop people from hurting me. I have to accept that there are just some things beyond my control. Things that not even love can alter. I have been in this too deep. I am so scarred I do not know where to start again. But there is still hope for me. I have been through this before. I may have handled the past differently. But I am confident that this time I will handle this better. 

Crying things out can sometimes do wonders. I have always believed that tears are a way for us to clear the view, to express pain. When its too painful, I just have to cry it out. It is never a sign of weakness but a silent language of grief. I grieve for the beautiful things that may never be. I grieve for a love that will never see tomorrow. I grieve for a wounded heart that may never heal. There is so much to grieve for and there are not enough tears to shed for all of these.

But sometimes, there may be not enough tears, not enough pain, not enough love...but there is always enough hope to move forward, to see things in a different perspective, to learn to love again and this time be loved in return. And until then, I shall not stop hoping for good things to come because I know I deserve as much. 

princess_bride

It is better to cry than  be angry,

Because anger hurts others

while tears overflow silently

through the soul

and cleanses the soul.

~ Pope John Paul II

princess_bride

And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you manged to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about.

~ Haruki Murakami

I am not the same person, not anymore.

princess_bride

When you can tell the story

And it doesn't bring up any pain,

You know it is healed. 

~ Lyania Vanzant

.......almost there.