Entries for June, 2008

"And I'll taste every moment and living out loud
I know this is the time; this is the time to be
More than a name or face in the crowd
I know this is the time; this is the time of my life." ~David Cook

been busy planning my life after the 7 habits. i am almost getting to the hang of things. well, i expect to encounter glitches along the way like having this "big rock" for 2 wks running already. i guess its not really priority and i have labelled it in the wrong quadrant. hehehe

anyway, so far so good i think. school is fast approaching and did some crazy shopping over the weekend. no good! for the wallet and for the body. at least i can have my kids do the book covering on their own. the advantages of having grown up kids.

disadvantage: looking for school shoes. this drove me nuts last saturday. my eldest daughter is a size 9 1/2. and my son is an 8 1/2 geezzz...can someone advise me how to get a foot to shrink? it must be the food they ate or the milk i gave them when they were young. sigh they are such big kids.

its monday after month-end cut off. and i have two reports to rush today. ergo, early at work....and no fun day for me. sigh....well, i always have a choice....and i choose to be happy today spending time doing things i love to do. working with people i love to work with. naks...diba that's the spirit?

thank you Lord for a yr of blessings...i pray for strength in spirit and for sound character. i pray for good health and for a bright future for my kids. i pray for discernment that i may continue to choose the right path and behave in my best attitude in my day to day life. in Your glorious Name...Amen!
Currently listening to: dream big - david cook
Currently feeling: thankful
Posted by princess_bride on June 2, 2008 at 11:17 AM | dance with me
i've been getting sick quite a lot these days. it seems like my body's defense mechanism is getting weak. i was hoping with all the medication i'm taking it could somehow build up some kind of protection. and yet i seem to be getting the virus every two weeks. crazy!

i've been seeing my doctor's again recently. had to go back to my endocrinologist to control my blood sugar. did a quick test just for the heck of it and found out that my blood sugar count is 500. way above the normal 120. did it everyday and it was pretty consistent. hence the decision to see my doctor.

true enough, i have uncontrolled type 2 diabetes. this i know way back but never took it seriously. until recently, when my urine infection was uncurable. the urinalysis said a lot. it was really infected and the bad part was it has sugar in it already. which means my kidneys are already being damaged by my diabetes.

my endo had the rest of my organs checked. everything was sound except for my left kidney where after 3 yrs the stones joined forces and is now 4cm in size. almost half the size of a kidney. i was told to go to my urologist (who operated on my adrenal gland three yrs ago) and broke the bad news that the stones cannot be shockwaved but have to be operated on.

scary, of all the things that i should go through alone this is what i fear the most. my last surgery was not a pleasant memory. at least i had someone on my side to take care of me. but now? well, first things first...i have to finish this critical project at work which will end in july. after that....then its time to freak out.....heheheh

a ct scan this sat will tell my urologist the real situation inside me. he said he might have to reduce or remove my left kidney completely. i hope he can save it though. my insides are slowly being taken out...eeewwww.

i can't understand why i have to be subjected to all this physical suffering. i'm getting tired of it. my doctors been taking notes on my predicament. and mind you its on their special notebook and not on my medical file. hah! a great science project....i had conn's syndrome (the adrenal mass), i have asthma, diabetes, contolled hypertension (ewan basta automatic na lang naging normal...hehehe), a stone on my left kidney, and name the disease i almost have it all in my genes.

i am ranting again. i have to focus more on the good stuff. on making the choice to live and endure all these suffering. i have done it before, i can do it again. my only prayer is ...Lord pls send someone with a good and patient soul to watch over me. yun lang masaya na ako. and thank you for the days that i live and breathe. for all the blessings salamat. for the friends who greeted me on my bday...bless them all. Amen!
Currently listening to: the best you never had - leona lewis
Currently feeling: sick
Posted by princess_bride on June 5, 2008 at 08:15 PM | 6 danced with me
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster. ~ Isaac Asimov


it seems like so many deaths happening around. i lost my lola (father-side) yesterday. she was 93. i honestly believe that she lived a full life. she was just waiting for her time. last time i saw her, i think that was two or three months ago she was still up and about. a bit slow moving though with very weak voice but still with sharp memory. she even led the divine mercy prayer during one of our evening prayer rituals.

two and a half years ago, she was so devastated about my dad's death. my doctor aunt had to give her shots to calm her down. so much grieving, so much pain. i guess its because it was sudden. but now somehow everybody is sort of expecting this will happen. she was sick with colon cancer but was fighting for her life for eight yrs.

the other night i dreamt of an aunt dying from an accident. it was scary coz this aunt was very close to me. i didn't have the heart to tell her. i just said she should be careful. apparently she had the same dream, that she died. i guess our dream was somehow connected to my lola's death one day later. she was my lola's caregiver.

i wouldn't know how i'd react if i was told i have six minutes to live i guess top of mind is i want to be with the people i love the most. after all this news of death, i came to think about my own. i'd like a simple ceremony, i don't want people oggling at my coffin so i'd prefer to be cremated. i'd like my ashes thrown in the sea to signify my intent to be one with nature.

there.....so that would mean i could have the six minutes less this stuff to think about. cool!
Currently listening to: humming of the aircon in my bedroom
Currently feeling: contemplative
Posted by princess_bride on June 10, 2008 at 09:30 PM | 4 danced with me
Lord, help us to see death for what it really is - the end of poverty and the beginning of riches, the end of frustration and the beginning of fulfillment; the end of fear and the beginning of peace, the end of pain and the beginning of joy, the end of weakness and the beginning of strength.

So now, O Lord make us believe that our beloved Lola Juling is indeed just departed to a better world - where at this moment she is alive, is conscious and full of love for each of us, and awaits our coming one by one.

Farewell dear Lola Juling, pray for us until we are together again and home at last, forever. Amen.


just got back to work from a three day leave to attend to my Lola's interment. i had to go to la union alone as my kids have classes they cannot miss. seeing her to her final resting place somehow made me feel at peace.

i realized how well loved she was by so many people, family and friends alike. so it was not difficult for us to let go. i know she is happy where she is now. and though we will all miss her presence, leaving us in such a peaceful manner was enough to accept her demise.

goodbye Lola, send my love to Lolo, Dad and to my son Carlos. till we meet again. we love you!
Currently listening to: moonriver (lola's favorite song)
Currently feeling: tired
Posted by princess_bride on June 18, 2008 at 02:32 PM | 6 danced with me
i had a rough night. quite bothered about things that shouldn't really be my concern but it is getting to be because of a dear friend. when she gets hurt i get hurt. when she's happy i am happy. i don't know how it came to be, but it is so.

someone is hurting her real bad. and whether she's aware abt it or not i will not take it sitting down. if i were younger i would've made a scene just to make a point. but no, i think i know better. better enough to discern that there are some things educated people should handle differently.

its just so frustrating, that you cannot do anything to wake people up. this person is a dear friend as well. someone i value and respect. not because he is a perfect person in fact he is the least perfect person i know. i look up to him inspite of his weaknesses because he made a firm resolve to keep his family together and have shown remorse for his past mistakes. or so i thought. until recently...

i have always been sympathetic of people who admit their shortcomings their weaknesses...but one mistake is enough, two is too much three is just beyond me. sometimes i wonder how insensitive this person can be for hurting people who loves him dearly. how strong can the call of the flesh is for him not to resist over and over and over and over...

you know you are a dear friend...and that our friendship have gone through the test of time. at this point i don't know what to think anymore but i have to say that i am truly disappointed. it was all just lipservice. and all i got from you were lies. i wish i can you look at you with the same respect i had for you before...i wish i can protect her from the damage that you have been doing all these years.

but friends can only do so much....you have proven time and again that you don't listen to anyone but yourself. i guess its abt time for you to reflect on your actions, your priorities, and seek for the happiness that you have been looking for all these time.

i will not throw the first stone....for i am a sinner myself...but i will just be here...for her and for you. if time will come when you are ready to mend your ways...then we will listen. don't wait for your hollow apologies fall on deaf ears...she is human too.
Currently listening to: realize - colbie cailat
Currently feeling: restless
Posted by princess_bride on June 24, 2008 at 10:37 AM | dance with me
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