as my natal day nears, the feeling of loneliness becomes more profound. there is this void inside me that cannot be filled. i still mourn for the loss of my dad. and my mom and my sisters turned against me because of things my dad forgot to take care of when he was alive. i feel so much like an orphan. its really depressing.

today i learned from our VP that my boss resigned yesterday. she just sent an email to inform them of this decision. i was shocked when i learned about it this morning. i was looking forward to her coming back so i could be relieved from being OIC of our department. after two months of taking in all the stress, i just felt i needed a break.

apparently, i am considered for the position. i don't know if its something to rejoice about. i was looking forward more to my de-stress opportunity. well, maybe it just isn't sinking in yet. wow, being the official boss to manage a department. hmmm....i am gripped by fear of not being able to do my job as expected. although i did pretty well as OIC. i don't know if i can handle it as a regular job right now. 

i have so much to be thankful for. i should just count my blessings. and whatever it is that will come, i pray i be given the strength to persevere.  

took a leave last friday to spend my day with my family. went to baclaran to hear mass and to offer thanksgiving. afterwhich, brought my kids to makati and had lunch at bananaleaf. my son gave this funny remark of how come they don't use real plates. hahaha. i think i should take them out more often. they loved the food though especially the pad thai and egging me to come back.

after lunch we went home and i was planning to get some sleep the rest of the day. however, my friends tricked me into having coffee only to find out it was a surprise dinner party in tiendesitas. there were bands playing...called their music bagong himig. i didn't like it though it was a bit noisy for my taste. but i had fun. its nice to know that i have friends who love me. they even brought cake that had a number 30 candle. turned out my candle-age was out of stock...i said it must be because  at this age i shouldn't be blowing candles anymore...hahahah.

got drunk with my girlfriends. tasted the mindoro sling that was made of fruits and tanduay. it tasted like juice. had 4 pitchers. just enough alcohol for me to get home decent. hehehe

yesterday, with a bad hangover...went to medical city to see my endocrinologist. saw him in the middle of the week feeling a bit weird. only to find out that my hypertension was back. i was ordered to have a few lab tests. turned out i have full blown diabetes. he said this is a lifetime sickness. my liver is badly infected so i have to be given insulin shots twice a day. i was also referred to a few specialists to take care of my other organs.

after my dad died, and my boss went on leave, i hardly had the time to go back to my doctors. my bad! honestly, i'm scared. suddenly, i felt how precious life is for me to take for granted. i worry for my kids who are so young and who depends on me to be healthy for them.

been too busy complaining for what i do not have. shame on me. i should celebrate my life and what God has blessed me with. whatever is His plans for me..I will accept it with open arms. i pray that He give me more time for my kids. i thank Him for giving me a challenging career where my efforts were ultimately recognized. i pray for my health that i could celebrate more birthdays with my family. i pray for healing. i thank Him for wonderful friends who love me for who and what i am.

i want to celebrate my life with each passing day that He bless me with. i want to celebrate it with you...  

The next time you feel like God can't use you, just remember...Noah was a drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar, Leah was ugly, Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem, Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer, Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair with a woman

and had her husband killed in battle.

Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God, Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt, Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything

Mary Magdalene was, well you know

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small, Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer..And Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential.

Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger...

In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.

3. Growing old is inevitable...growing UP is optional.

4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.

6. Do the math... count your blessings.

7. Faith is the ability to trust not panic.

8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

9. If you worry, you didn't pray... If you pray, don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.

11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent-out-of-shape.

12. The most important things in your house are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still, God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

" God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change...the courage to change the one I can...and the wisdom to know it's me."

i transferred today to a new and bigger office space. its nice to have a view of the outside world this time. i also get to have a better telephone line compared to the trunkline i got in my previous area where you cannot get an outside line between 8 to 5. hell that's most of the day.

anywayz, was able to hire somebody this morning to replace the staff we promoted to take my previous post in the organization. all things smooth and dandy at this point. so much to organize...so much to do. challenging. i love it. so much has been happening in my career i hardly have time to check on my online friends. sigh...

well, rest assured that all of you are in my thoughts. will just have to learn to adjust to this new career move then i'll be back on my feet with regards to my social life. hehehe (i wish!) aside from the new post i am adjusting myself into...i have an M-W-F SAP Training in Libis every morning. then i have to rush back to ortigas to check on my departments needs. of course, i also have to be in Hagonoy twice a month (usually saturdays) for my sideline.

that's one full sched right there. in between, i have three kids to raise, discipline and guide. wowie! of course aside from the good things i have said earlier, there are bad things that creates balance in my life - my unresolved issues with my mom and sisters and my health problems. health problems are easy to manage, i see my doctors once a week and am taking meds and two insulin shots daily to control my sugar levels, etc.

the thing with my mom and sisters can really be a burden. it's sad that this has happened to my family. i've done my best. i cannot force them to listen to me if they aren't open to my side of the story. i pray hard that someday they will understand me and learn to respect me for being the eldest daughter/ sister.

meantime, there is so much for me to be thankful for. i should not dwell on the negativities...but rather learn from them.

 

As we sail through life,

don't avoid storms and rough waters.

Just let it pass,

Just Sail.

Always remember,

Calm seas never make skillful sailors.

- Pravsworld

i wanted to write something. but i decided against it. i can't believe how some petty negativities can eat me up inside. grrrr...

well, to give you a hint...its about some people being friggin' cold and insensitive....sigh...i guess some things never change. go figure!

okey, okey....breath in....breathe out....just think that its not worth it....and its not worth your time or energy....change yourself.....focus!

i had a day full of meetings. i wonder why is it that when you are going up the organization your tendency to attend meetings gets higher. ughh...as if it helps lessen my workload. (hehehe...complaining na naman!)

sige na nga...magpapakatotoo na lang nga ako. i'm having a bad day today! yun lang!

great day to start my week, our first SAP exam after finishing our first module - GL. glad to say i was able to pull it through. although i must admit i did not review like i should have. saturday i had to go to bulacan and then sunday was family day. i was just able to browse through my notes last night.

buti na lang may "stock knowledge" hahaha...as long as i had a passing mark for this exam ..i'm good. i just don't know if i can manage going through the more advanced technical side of this training. hindi ko pa kase naiisip kung ikakarir ko ba ang pagiging certified SAP consultant eh. hahaha i wish! nakakaaliw lang...its like going to school again.

i had an uneventful sunday with my kids and "the-one-who-must-not-be named" hahaha freaky. i actually spent most of it relaxing...lazying around. had my nails made...and a body spa. i just feel so stressed out with my work activities i thought i deserved a break. shempre unahin ko yan priority...hahaha.

naglambing si binky most of the day. in between the vanity procedures done on me i fed her during meal time and we spent lots of time cuddling. nakakamiss talaga yung baby ko. actually, she's 5 pero baby pa talaga sya. i wish dumating yung time na she could stay with me. it's always a heart tugging scene everytime i have to say goodbye after a weekend. sigh...

i miss my dad. my first father's day without him. happy father's day dad...i know you can see what i'm going through...pls help me be more patient and understanding to them. i pray for you to be in a happy place. i love you daddy.

 

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I’m still standing here
And you’re miles away
And I’m wondering why you left
And there’s a storm that’s raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And it’s almost driving me wild
And there’s a heart that’s breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone
Away
I ain’t missing you
No matter
What I might say
There’s a message
In the wild
And I’m sending you
This signal tonight
You don’t know
How desperate I’ve become
And it looks like I’m losing this fight
In your world
I have no meaning
Though I’m trying hard
To understand
And it’s my heart that’s breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone
Away
I ain’t missing you
No matter
What my friends say
And there’s a message that I’m sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can’t bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone
Away
I ain’t missing you
No matter
What my friends say
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I keep lying to myself
And there’s a storm that’s raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone
Away
I ain’t missing you
No matter
What my friends say
Ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I keep lying to myself
Ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
Ain’t missing you
Oh no
No matter what my friends might say
I ain’t missing you

*******************************************

this is for you R. till we meet again.

Four jobs I have in my life:
1. Financial Analyst
2. Project Controller
3. Finance & Admin Officer  4. Accounting Manager 

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. City of Angels 2. Princess Bride 3. Notting Hill
4. My Bestfriends Wedding

Four places I have lived:
1. Iloilo
2. Biñan, Laguna
3. Lagro
4. Mandaluyong

Four TV shows I love(d) to watch:
1. Smallville
2. Dawson's Creek 3. Seventh Heaven 4. Charmed

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. La Union
2. Baguio 3. Davao
4. Zambales

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Tabulas
2. Yahoo Mail
3. Gmail 4. Inq7

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Tinola 2. Ebi Tempura
3. Mango Cake 4. California maki

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Palawan 2. Bohol
3. Hundred Islands 4. Boracay

Now that that's done, I am going to tag...
1. Tabulas Friends

hokeyyy....if you get a peek of my life right now you'd be surprised at how much activity is going on. i have vowed to always look at the bright side of things. however, looming in the horizon is a picture of a burnt out person that looks so much like me. hahaha weird ba?

well, bago na ang tawag ng friends ko sa akin - ako daw si Kuracha ang babaeng walang pahinga...hahahah...jologs! Eh pano naman, wala talaga akong rest day...grrrr.....wala na ding social life. ano ba yan? complaints na naman...heheheh...

okey, looking on the brighter side of my dull life - teka.......wala atang bright side ngayon ahhhhhh...............huhuhu.

i guess i just need a break. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh