incognito
quite amazed at how many of us tabulas old timers are coming back to our space here. i guess we are one of those who find micro-blogging an insufficient medium to fully express our thoughts or what nots. or more often, we'd like to just rant anonymously without fear of being judged by family or friends. although i must say i have met good friends in tabulas over the years i have blogged in this space. there are times i'd like to be more careful about what i say here, i end up still writing and just tagging the entry as private so that i won't create any "issue" with whoever.
as of now, my state of mind is still in limbo. and as much as i want to rant about how i am feeling and what i am thinking, i found it better to shut my trap and just convince myself that i did the right thing. as usual, my coping mechanism is to keep myself busy. which i am successfully doing right now. and workload have contributed much to a full schedule. i am not complaining. my social life is in full blast. been keeping in touch with old friends and family during my day-offs. and also keeping up with mommy duties works wonders for my kids.
at the end of the day, i must admit, i still feel that gaping hole in my heart. when the lights are off it can get really lonely. and all you can hold on to are the wondeful memories that once filled your heart with immense joy. you just have to stop yourself from regretting and continue to be hopeful that what you did was for the greater good.
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“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.” (J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan)
Faith - check!
Trust - uhm, semi-check?
Pixie Dust - I have to find me some. :S