princess_bride

Fifi: "What a fool I've been."

Lumiere: "But a fool for love, and there is no better kind."

~ Belle's Magical World

i have been suppressing my feelings the past few weeks. i'd rant here but in private. i would wonder abt a lot of things but would rather shut my mouth and spend sleepless nights than know the answers. why is life so complicated? why are we so concerned abt consequences? because we are human...because we are made this way. because we like to think that its better to do the right thing and make the morally correct decisions. 

but at the end of the day, i ponder on what could've been. i did my best and i think i also gave my best to make things work. i just could not be selfish and think of what makes me happy. how can one be truly happy when you know that you cannot give the other what they need? when you feel that what you can give is all superficial, and will not be able to hold things when it falls apart. 

the hardest part is, we've been here before. its like we never learn. i guess i was fool enough to believe that in time you can change how things are. that love was enough to fix the pain of the past. but it wasn't enough. whatever effort you give, no matter how passionate you can be, when there is no one who wish to receive, there is just no sense in giving. also, because you know that you need to receive something to be able to affirm that you are going somewhere and that you are doing something right.

yet here i am again lost and empty as ever...i wonder was i this broken before? i would like to believe that i have handled it better now. i think i am more accepting and more willing to step back. because what matters is the freedom you  have given the person to have that opportunity to be happy, and the chance to find whatever it is that they are looking for. yes, i have learned and i am learning still. and i know now that you don't need to forget the feeling, because you have proven that it will always be there. you have given...and it was enough.