princess_bride

i will not pretend that i understand where you are coming from. coz i really don't. i can only speculate. and for fear of knowing too much (and getting hurt) abt what you are trying to say i'd rather not ask what it means exactly. all i know right now is that i simply want you to be happy. and although there are many times when i'd like to break my self-imposed recluse from you, i always had to stop and remind myself that i can never make you happy. and with her you have that opportunity - i will never ruin that chance for you. 

so here i am at the sidelines. no, not here to watch. i am not strong enough for that. i'm tired of hearing my heart break in a million pieces. so i've learned to detach. its easier for me this way. but i'm still just here in case you need a friend. as much as i'd like to deny this, i can't - i miss you. i miss what we have. sometimes i think abt you too  much that i can smell your scent. weird i know. but yeah it happens. 

but if what i'm doing right now can help you get ahead with her, i'm willing to make that sacrifice. it is more important for me for you not to blow your chance with her. i admit that there are a lot of times when i'd like to be selfish. when i all i want is to be with you. but i know deep inside that no matter how much i need to be with you, it won't be fair if its only me who can be happy. 

i have been keeping most of how im feeling to myself. setting my entries to Private status so no one can see how much i'm bleeding inside. i can't be selfish. i can't make you feel for me how i feel for you. so its useless to stand here and wait. 

......but i'm still here....just holller and you know i'd be there.