he came home really drunk in the wee hours of the morning today. some things never change. he was speaking funny and weird as he was slurring the whole time. he can't even manage to straighten up his head. i hate to see him like this.

what i hate more is when he gets violent. he threw his phone on the floor and smashed our cabinet. for reasons that are too petty for me to understand. he was accusing me of things. true, i was able to protect myself from getting hurt again. but i guess physical pain is no different from the emotional torture that he gives me.

it was 2 in the morning, and i hyperventilated due to the tears i was trying so hard to suppress as i didn't want to wake my kids up. but i had to call for help coz i really had a hard time breathing already. and my sb husband didn't move an inch and went on playing online poker to the detriment of his wife hyperventilating combined with an apparent asthma attack.

i hate his continuous self-pity drama and uncalled for accusations. i can't even understand how he can think of such things when all i fucking do is go to work and feed the whole family. i really wanted to lash out on him but tried my best to remain calm and composed as i didn't want to go to work black and blue today.

i know he does not do this everyday....a good batting average of once or twice a year. i've warned him time and again never to drink too much because of these violent tendencies. but he wouldn't heed my call. i'm beginning to think if my decision of patching things up was a wise one. i don't know how much more of this i can take. and i'm sure being far apart will make things worse.

shit, i hate my life!