after my dad's demise, i felt time stop. i wanted desperately to live in the past. i've caught myself often staring into space rummaging my thoughts of what has been and what might have been. letting go is really something i'd never get used to. i badly want to hug  and kiss my dad one more time. but somehow, i feel that wherever he is right now, he is happy.

ironically, some good things came about after what happened. a lot of broken relationships were reconciled. maybe brought about by the realization that every second counts. we can lose people we love so swiftly, sometimes we hardly have the time to say goodbye.  i still cry everyday, but i believe that everything happened for a reason. in His grand plan in our lives, losing people we love is part of it. pain and hurt are reminders for us to treasure our life and our loved ones.  

and in my darkest hours, i began to realize those people who sincerely love and care for me. people, i haven't even given a time of day in the past. some have caused me so much pain and suffering. some were just misunderstood. i have learned to welcome them in my life once again. i have opened my heart, learned to forgive, humbly apologized for my own mistakes.

if there was one person who was constantly there for me - it was my hubby. i am just happy that after a long time, we decided to work things out. maybe i'm just vulnerable, i don't know. i just know that i need someone right now. and if it means giving us another chance to love again, i'll do it. the beginning of things for me to look forward to. my life goes on...

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Gandhi