how can things be funny and sad at the same time? well, its seems that life is fond of playing twisted jokes on me. why is it that you often get entangled in a never ending circle of what-if's and what-might-have-beens. crazy really. sometimes in your journey in pursuing for your love or for whatever it is that you feel strongly for, you end up getting disappointed...maybe because you feel that you are not getting what you have shared in return. and its really funny coz you kept pursuing for that dream....and someone thinks the same way of you. only, you don't feel the same. now, that's sad.

so it leaves you wondering how to get out of this mess. coz its really a futile effort to keep on treading this path. sometimes you just wish that memories can be washed away by the rain. sometimes you want to regret what you let yourself into. sometimes you pray hard that you get out of this soon. what makes it so difficult to unlove someone? inspite of that person's imperfections...i don't know. i surrender...i want out! and i am doing my best to walk away from this. coz i get more hurt when i learn that she is hurting you. and i am helpless...and hopeless. coz you won't budge.

its silly, funny, sad, frustrating, a mix of all those feelings just makes me wanna burst. i want to hate you so i can get over you...but i can't. and i hate myself coz i can't do anything about this. you said you don't want to hurt me again ever....then why this? why do i feel pain when she gives you pain...when you rant of her inconsistencies...when you crave for something that she cannot give?

this isn't just being silly....i am being foolish...and i should stop!