princess_bride

I have been staring at this blank white space for quite some time now. Not really sure what to write about. So many boring things happening in my life right now. Hahaha..like work. Ughhh....sometimes I hate being an adult. Can I just spend a day not thinking about anything but having fun? Hmmm even when I travel I need to get to work. Coz bills you now. They come in like clockwork....Sigh.

Well, what's stopping me? I can say anything under the sun here. Nobody cares anyway. (and nobody knows me) Hahaha. Sometimes you are just so used in putting up this front. I was watching this kdrama the other day and a quote there struck me somehow. "Just because you're not crying doesn't mean you're not sad. Just like how smiling doesn't mean you're happy." So boom yeah! Story of my life! Hah!

I was crying like crazy over the weekend. I know it's definitely not PMS. I miss my Mom. But I cried in secret. I didn't want people to find out I'm such a mess. I don't know, I'm not that close to my Mom. We fight so much and don't agree most of the time. But I guess what they said it's true. It's different when you lose your Mom. I lost my Dad years ago he figured in a motorcycle accident. It was painful too. But I don't know, losing my Mom is like losing such a big part of myself. Even if we don't agree on anything, she was such a big influence in my life. I am me now because of her. My work ethics, my discipline, my values, etc. I have always been trying hard to over achieve to meet my Mom's high standards hahaha. And it helped me a lot. It helped me grow as a person and as a professional. Sigh I just wish she was still around and I could just try to be more patient with her. I miss you Mommy!