princess_bride

i was reading back at your journal and somehow followed how you have been chasing storms. its been two years, and still i know deep in your heart that you still love her. something i hoped you felt for me way way way back. but i know and i can feel that this is just platonic. and no matter how much i tried to make excuses for your inactions or insensitive remarks - you still manage to break my heart. i tried to keep my distance, for awhile, only to find out how much it hurts me more to stay away. 

i keep telling myself that i have to stop dreaming or hoping even. i am nothing to you, i am just a friend. a sounding board, an outlet. and i may tell myself now that i want to be happy with the time and memories shared, but up to what point can i take this? i look at the mirror again and tell myself, you've got nothing to offer, nothing. and its true, most often love is not enough. but who am i to complain? 

i don't know, but no matter how hard you try to be nice to me i feel so low, unimportant and insufficient. i said i don't want to entertain these thoughts. i just have to look away and treasure what little things you can share. i don't want to cry abt this anymore. i just don't know how far this glimmer of hope will take me. i have always been invisible. and without me around - no one really cares. 

i need to teach myself to stop caring and loving...maybe even feeling altogether.