should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.

- adele

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i'm tired....and i need to be taken cared of. sigh

...you've got to stop chasing endless pavements...because at the end of it...there's the painful truth that there is something when actually there is nothing.

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its been awhile. i keep coming back to this space...stared at it for some time...and end up leaving the page and going back to work. for some unexlpainable reason i lost the motive to write anything.

it was a constant struggle at work. being given a quite sensitive and very demanding project, i felt i always had to keep up. always tried to prove that i'm good at what i'm doing. i always wanted the best results while giving 101% commitment to my job. do i sound like i'm on a job interview? hehehe

well, i guess its how i evolved in my career. i have always been passionate in everything i do. whether its work or otherwise. i've been fortunate to have good leaders as my boss'. of course, its not that case all the time. yet i believe i learned a lot from all of them. ergo the mean working machine i am right now. hehehe

there will always be setbacks, trade-offs...when you are doing good in one part of your life...something is getting the rotten end of the deal. i lost my social life. that's what. i am missing so much. don't get me wrong, i am really not a party girl. in fact, i can be such a couch potato at times.

i'm stuck. knowing what i want but cannot have. doing my best to seek diversion but failing helplessly. what would you do when you reached the end of the pavement....and there's nothing there?

don't you feel like you'll melt under the sun the past days. its like you wanna gulp on friggin' ice-cold drinks the whole day to lessen the heat. i love an ice-full of glass with coke. kung hindi lang bawal sa diabetic inaraw-araw ko talaga yan.

on a different note, i didn't expect to be having a bad monday. i just thought that its monday after cut-off - the usual deadline for two reports and additional q1 tax reports coz its quarter end. good thing i didn't open my ofc emails during the weekend. it could've destroyed my time with my kids.

the main reason why my skin is breaking out was due to the very stressful activities of this project that i've been blabbering abt the past months. supposedly, system go-live will happen in the middle of april. testing activities and pre-go-live requirements kept my brain filled to the brim. umaapaw pa nga ata. only to find out this morning that ficus countries go-live will be postponed.

due to reasons beyond our control. germany's go-live will take up so much resources that they have to postpone APAC. i didn't feel good when i learned abt it. psychosomatic siguro but i felt like i'm going to get sick. sobrang disappointing that after all the effort, the pang-olympics na pimples, the working on holidays and weekends - eto lang pala mapapala ko. sigh

on the brighter side, it must be a test of resilience. and i have to prove that i can manage this and take this bad news as something positive. i just have to accept that there are things i cannot control, and feeling bad abt it should just happen in passing. i should learn to stand up and face this as any professional should.

kaya ko 'to....AJA!!!