i've been shedding off things that are stressful in my life. first, my old job...it took me years to find something like where i'm at right now. a job that is just a job. it does not entail you to give up so much of your time for your family. periodic stress during cut-offs are manageable. i can do mobile office once in a while. everything is just too good to be true. the finn culture is just so cool.

next, is my sideline job in bulacan. now that hubby helps a lot in the finances i decided to give it up. i am currently enjoying time with my kids on weekends. and the transactions of my client are getting too voluminous for it to be handled on a part time basis.

i sure am going to miss the trip twice a month going there. the floods during high tide and my client's family who somehow became close to me during the almost two years doing business with them. well you win some you lose some. i am looking into handling books of an ex-ofcmates realty business. at least its in manila and a small scale business. which i find just right for a part time job.

aside from the fact that i have zero sex life (hehehe), i think i am enjoying my life so far. i take my kids out on weekends. time flies fast, they are all grown up. and i love spending time with them. i try to make up for all the time i have been always at work. i do things i never did before (like cooking).

of course there are trade offs, life can never be that perfect. but just by looking at the happy faces of my kids - i cannot ask for more.

accompanied my youngest daughter to her fieldtrip last thursday. it was an educational trip for me as well. went to the ff places:

1) mon nissin - lucky me noodles factory in sta. rosa laguna. they had this viewing place made especially for educational tours.

2) MOA science and discovery center - learned lots from various galleries. like the tallest building, how the earth needs taking cared of. how and where robots started. and they had the most amazing planetrium that is the only technology in southeast asia. you really would feel like you are inside a big spaceship. my daughter keeps nudging me and asking if we really were flying and if we were actually in outer space.

3) fort santiago - a very freaky place. i don't know but it makes my skin crawl. as if a lot of spirits are in the area lurking. i remember i was i grade 3 when i first and last saw the place. the place looks older and ancient now.

4) star city - big rides are not really my thing. developed fear for these giant machines since i was a kid. i can manage the carousel, the boats that goes around some figurines or the bump car. but the rest i'd rather not try or else i might barf around the area. had my daughter ride the kiddie bump car for about ten rounds i think. she enjoyed it so much more than i did. i just watched her having fun.

during the first stop i bumped into my sister. apparently, she is an asst guidance counselor in my daughters school. she just started this school year. was given a few teaching loads in science and math so she joined the trip as well.

i actually saw her first but didn't know how to react. so pretended that i didn't see her....its good that she did the first move to call me ate and kissed and hugged me. i guess its true that time heals all wounds. i hope its the same for my mom. she has wounds that needs more healing than we did. and i'm sure it will take more time for her to understand me and forgive my dad for everything that happened.

i'm just happy that somehow i felt that my sister set the past aside and initiated the peace between the two of us. she said a lot of painful things before that i'd rather forget. never did bear a grudge at my sisters coz i knew how my mom can manipulate them. i hope this is the start of our quest for peace in the family. i know in God's time everything will be well. all we can do right now is pray...for healing and for peace.

so i've been trying to learn all these yo-yo tricks so i can teach binky how to use her new 400 bucks toy (sigh). of course, to no avail...i kept banging the thing on the floor stopped right in the brink of totally destroying this yo-yo with all the lights flashing. i guess i'm not cut to learn these things. i wish my husband was around to show off his yo-yo tricks.

on another note, i enjoyed the long weekend with my kids. spent most of the time bonding with them. as usual, brought them again to galleria just to get a taste of a different atmosphere during the long vacation. it was fun, (although i felt like my pocket had a big hole in it... ) trying out yoshinoya proved to be fatal. well, fatal to my wallet i should say. at least its different from their usual jollibee, kfc, max's request.

i feel sluggish today though. after a very relaxing and rejuvenating weekend my body felt like lying down again most of the day. if not for my wednesday BS recon deadline. i would love to call for a mobile-office day tomorrow. well, not anytime soon i think.

"home office/ mobile office" - day/s when you can do work at home without being charged against your leave credits.

its one of the coolest benefits of being employed by a multinational. i remember when i applied in Intel before they have this as well. sayang lang kse inabot ako ng freeze hiring. well i guess it really wasn't for me that time. isa pa ang layo ng ofc nila i have to be ready for work by 4:30am. sheesh. alam ni Lord ikakamatay ko yun kaya di binigay sa akin. hehehe

so okey back to my topic. texted my boss this a.m. to inform her that i am working at home. well, worked half day lang talaga. left my laptop open and vegged out the whole afternoon. sometimes its good to work at home lalo na pag tired ka from the previous day's work and activities. hayy pasalamat na lang talaga ako na may home office. otherwise, i'd drag myself going to work today.

for my hubby: i know this much that you'd go through a hoop of fire for me and that you'd always be faithful and true to me no matter what.

as what have been said, we are "star-crossed". destined to be together and never to part. however, difficult situation calls for you to be away from us. but not forever....only for a while.

i miss you so much it aches. i miss how you'd care for me especially when i was sick. i miss how you'd try to massage my back from a long day at work. i miss how you'd cook my favorite food. i miss your surprises. i miss how you'd finish a sentence i started. i miss how much you know how my mind works.

i miss your hugs and kisses. i miss making love with you. i miss your moodswings. i miss your possessiveness. i miss how you'd watch me sleep. i miss the way you look at me. i miss the way we dance around the house. i miss the way you procrastinate. i miss your jokes and how you laugh at mine.

i miss the way you spoil me and the kids. i miss the way your hand moves while you are on the phone talking to someone. i miss it when you ask me how to go around the PC and how you'd let me fix it with that clueless look in your eyes. i miss how you dance at any beat.

i could go on and on with things i miss abt you. but let me just assure you, i could be missing my partner in life right now but i realized that this time apart only proves how much we love each other. so lets just hang on. and do our best to make our love last.

i love you beng.

i remember those days when i was in my teenage years. i knew i was a pain in the ass to my parents. i used to hear my mom say that she wishes i wouldn't go thru the same heartaches when i have my own kids as she had with me.

and now my eldest daughter who just turned 13 last October 11 are already showing signs of being a pain in the butt like i was when i was her age. sighhh...and without my hubby to share the responsibility to discipline them its becoming more difficult for me to face this challenge. i try to put up a brave and strong facade in front of my kids. last night while chatting with my hubby, i broke down.

these are only part of the challenges of being a single parent right now. and i believe there is more to come. i have to have an iron fist when it comes to penalizing them for their mistakes. i have to control giving in to their pleas and cries to get back the luxuries i have cut them off from. my eldest is grounded from using the PC and i have confiscated her celfon as well.

its not too harsh when you learn that at her age she has 4 boyfriends that i have discovered. 2 are textmates and 2 are chatmates. imagine how technology can be so disadvantageous to us parents. i never had the same luxury before. not even a landline to use. pero nung panahon ko ako na ang pinaka "bad" sa mga siblings ko. just because of a boyfriend that i had since i was 15. (he is my hubby now)

i don't know how i can get through this. but my hubby said last night that all we can do now is pray that God give her guidance in her daily life. gosh mas religious pa sya sa akin. Ganon ata talaga. Lesson learned - the Golden Rule: Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you. Sa madaling salita - karma!

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paid a visit to my dad's grave this weekend so as not to go together with the larger crowd that could make it difficult to go to la union. was able to visit my lola as well together with my kids. at least in a way i was able to represent my dad who is the only child she lost among the 13 siblings. at 92 she's very weak but still have sharp memory.

as usual, we had a walk down memory lane. when my dad was still around. how his voice would boom around the house. how he'd bring pasalubong for my lola whenever he visited her. and how he kept silent inspite of the negative comments abt my mom and our family. yeah, he was like that...he'd rather listen than debate abt anything. and he's the kind of man any woman will respect and honor.

anyway, dad, lighted candles for you and lolo. left some flowers as well. hope you are happy wherever you are. you are always in my thoughts and prayers. i love you.

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