i have blogged abt this guy a few times. remember my crush at work? okey so it was christmas - a season of giving. i purposely didn't plan to give him anything. i didn't want him to get the wrong impression. and then suddenly i got this text from him telling me that he had something for me at "pagdamutan ko daw" i had to ask a friend what it meant. hahaha

he gave me a red coin purse. sa totoo lang, kahit mumurahin yun i felt like it was worth a million bucks. pero i had to stop myself from making the wrong interpretation. maybe he was just trying to be nice and all. baka naman pareho lang ang gifts nya sa mga staff nya. so i shoved the "feeling special thought" aside. it doesn't mean anything. heck, it was christams everybody is entitled to give anybody something.

and then suddenly, i got this news from one of his account executives. i don't know if this girl know anything about how i felt for this person. pero i never gave her a hint about it. kahit na crush lang naman, mahirap na baka magka-issue pa. so she was sharing things with me. somehow this girl and i got connected - the guy who is courting her is the son in law of my boss. coincidence? i dunno. i'd say its a crappy situation to be in.

anyhoo, nagshare sya that she had a misunderstanding with her boss. and one thing lead to another tapos biglang lumabas yung issue na kinakatakot ko - yung crush ko was having an affair with one of our sub-contractors. shet parang bumagsak ang langit when i learned abt it. not that i am judging him for having this relationship pero ewan ko bigla akong nawalan ng gana. iniisip ko nga kung ano ba 'to - insecurity, jealousy? ewan ko basta nakakainis!

aside from that i learned of things about him na hindi ko ma-imagine na ganon pala sya. i guess i looked up to him and respected him and it devastated me to be aware of his weaknesses. i'm not saying that i'm perfect, pero for i guy to have the attitude that his staff know abt him parang di ko matanggap.

of course there is always two sides of the story, problem is i couldn't bring it up to him without putting the person who confided in me to apparent danger. i know he is wondering why i am keeping my silence and my distance. i can see by his look from afar. the stolen glances were trying to ask me what's wrong...or whatever...i just might be imagining things here. sighh.

its better this way....i hate it when i am helpless. i hate to know how vulnerable i am when it comes to him. shit sel grow up!