last nite an old friend dropped by my place, she was (as usual) having problems of the heart. but this time, compared to our usual chitchats during these times of her life she was no longer in tears. well, it was scaring her for what if losing the feeling comes after? it was after all a dysfunctional relationship. not that i have judged them for having it. i just thought they were both adult enough to handle the dynamics of such situation.

speaking of dynamics, we talked about other things last night like losing someone special through death or distance or incompatibility.... the works. it was observed that whenever we lose someone the dynamics of your relationships change. due to a lot of factors, one could be realizing how much you miss that person that you have taken for granted while he/ she was around. afterwhich, you tend to adjust to the fact that you have to deal with what's at hand. basically, it revolves around learnings/ realizations of mistakes that you don't want to happen again.

and then she asked me, have you accepted the painful things that happened in the past. i said yes, and then she said really? think it over. it struck me how in denial i have been. of trying to keep a brave face....of keeping the tears from falling inspite of the pain i feel...she was right....the dynamics has changed and i was left inside the old cycle. it isn't going to be easy. i have lost people i hold dear in my heart too many times...i pretended to be strong....and accepting. but deep inside i was a mess. i will never be the same person i was before. i don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing. but i hope its the former.

well, i have to start somewhere....i guess i just have to admit that right now i am vulnerable and i need to absorb the immensity of the pain i have been trying to hide from people. i need to let it out....and deal with it not hide from it.

Do what you have to do
(Sarah Mclachlan)

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rule of love
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you do

I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
However swiftly moving
I'm trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do

And I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
A glowing ember burning hot, burning slow.
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing
For only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
But I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go.
Currently feeling: hopeful
Posted by princess_bride on July 20, 2006 at 08:18 AM | 13 danced with me
Login to your account to post comment

You are not logged into your Tabulas account. Please login.

Comment posted on July 26th, 2006 at 09:31 AM
you are soooo singing my song ate! *haaay!* wala yalagang magandang maidudulot ang compromised/dysfunctional relationships. Pero t@ng*n@ng sakit sakit! Waaaaah!
Comment posted on July 26th, 2006 at 08:17 PM
hahahaha...i second demonyo...este the motion. ;-)
Comment posted on July 27th, 2006 at 01:19 PM
dalaw ka dito http://www.kissing-toads.blogspot.com ang hirap ikuwento ng buo, basta masakit! Waaah...
Comment posted on July 21st, 2006 at 06:14 PM
*spams* Spammers die early ya know. Teehee~
Comment posted on July 21st, 2006 at 06:16 PM
ouchhhhh....;-)
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 08:04 PM
*Hear (man doing 3 plates weekly is not fun anymore ;o)
Comment posted on July 21st, 2006 at 05:31 PM
kellie! napadpad ka rin dito! XD

the owner of this blog is a spammer, spammer spammer. and a meanie too. hah!

peace out, everyone.
Comment posted on July 21st, 2006 at 06:01 PM
i'm not....bait ko nga eh. ;-)
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 08:04 PM
it's up to her if she wants to be affected by Grubb's advice. Suicide due to love problems is plain shit. Here that. S-H-I-T.
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 07:09 PM
Seriously, I give good advices *another evil grin*

lemme show you actual YM logs.

Iman (7/8/2006 9:13:30 PM): pare, do you believe in destiny or fate?
Lawrence (7/8/2006 9:13:43 PM): yea
Lawrence (7/8/2006 9:13:45 PM): i think
Iman (7/8/2006 9:13:56 PM): lol, that's like believing in santa claus.
Lawrence (7/8/2006 9:14:31 PM): i know
Iman (7/8/2006 9:14:35 PM): you know?
Lawrence (7/8/2006 9:14:41 PM): wala pang nangyayaring ganun
Iman (7/8/2006 9:14:43 PM): why do you keep doing what's wrong??
Iman (7/8/2006 9:17:50 PM): innocence is pure. ignorance is not knowing anything when all is available. stupidity is knowing everything, but picking out the obviously wrong path.
Iman (7/8/2006 9:17:59 PM): which of those three is you?
Lawrence (7/8/2006 9:18:31 PM): the third
Iman (7/8/2006 9:18:38 PM): SEE YOU KNOW!

Lol, see?
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 07:18 PM
hahaha...hangkulet. i will definitely not ask your advice ever. :P
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 06:53 PM
hey, heart problems! tell your friend to call me instead.

*evil grin*
Comment posted on July 20th, 2006 at 06:56 PM
ha? no way, baka magpakamatay pa yun pag bingyan mo ng sagot tulad ng ginawa mo sa friend mo...hahaha