i was chatting with a friend last nite. he shared a lot abt himself that i couldn't help but remember my teenage years. i was full of angst. a rebel without a cause, mad at the world and society. so much like him. i recall the thought of killing myself so many times. but it remained a thought. i guess i was just too scared to carry those plans out or plainly stupid to even think of doing it.

i found the will to live in so many instances. my sisters look up to me. my parents were proud of me. my friends rely on my presence when they were down. and most of all, God made Himself felt in ways that would surprise me. yes, i have my own darkness, but like you, the real me would always prevail. because i let her...and because i wanted her to be loved...by me and by people around her. it was the main reason why i wanted to go on living.

yes, i risked loving and hurting. sometimes feeling the pain of experiencing the bad times was too much for me to bear. but i tried to hang on. i surrounded myself with friends, with people who care for me. and i pray...pray so hard even if a lot of times i started doubting Him. i know that the world can be cruel sometimes. i know how difficult it is to always pick yourself up from the dirt. i know how painful it is to love again only to get hurt in the end.

but these are facts of life. and we just have to deal with it. i used to wish that in some magical moment i could carry myself away from this. in one swish of a wand all the hurt in my past will be wiped away. but it doesn't happen that way. you have to learn to be wise. you have to be hurt to be able to love. and you know what's the best thing abt our life...it is being able to feel the miracle of living in so many enchanting ways. in time, everything will fall into place. in time, you will find the right person for you. in time, all wounds will heal.