yes, i am that - just another face in the crowd. i would never stick out like a sore thumb. nobody would notice me standing up, talking too much or even crying. sad but true.

well, i was not the type to get the crowd's attention. i'd usually sit back and observe. i sometimes get to mingle because it is needed...and coincidentally i meet some friends. friends who talk to me, take my calls or comfort me. not because i asked for it. not because they are just doing me some favor. not because they need to be nice or polite...but because they sincerely offer their friendship. showing real care and love.

i never meant to be a burden to anybody. i could easily understand when i am not needed. but i have to be told. it has to be something like a slap on the face to wake me up and get my feet going. for this i hate myself. for this it makes it difficult for me to move on. like somebody has to spell it out to me "hey s-t-u-p-i-d, i d-o-n-'t need you, get o-u-t of my life." simple enough.

i don't know why i think that things will come around. usually it does not. and i get really hurt...but now, there is this numbness again. a hollow feeling deep inside. self-pity for putting up with my idiotic beliefs in life. someone would lie to me in my face and i wouldn't even notice. sarcastic remarks/ jokes are thrown my way, but i'd shove 'em aside for fear that i'm just being over-sensitive. when in truth,  i am just charity work to most people and i hate it. imagine not being able to identify pity vs friendship. how much pathetic can i get?

i guess i deserve to be just another face in the crowd....nobody important, just someone who gets dole outs from someone's attention and emotions...until slowly i fade out...the pain and the tears will burn me...and no one will even care to notice...