cheesy title, i know. actually, i don't want to use those terms. self-denial maybe, or pride i guess. but the truth kept slapping me in the face. funny how i tried all efforts to shrug it off. yeah, i guess i'm the type who does not recover easily.

i think i made a mistake of getting myself too attached and too involved. but doing otherwise wasn't me. no regrets. there were good times to cherish. although i really felt bad that after the fact, honesty became out of the question. i could've mended easily if what was happening was laid down to me in black and white.

i could understand that. it will hurt but i could handle that. the important thing was being truthful abt it. although i know i am not in the position to know what is exactly happening. i think him knowing how i felt abt him was enough to let me know the truth. di ba para natigil na ako? kung sinabi lang agad....i would've stopped confusing myself...dreaming it was all about "us". stupid me talaga!

but all that is done with. i don't even know what is left. i am broken...and i can't say that it's only my heart involved...i have given everything again. and now i'm losing everything as well. it hurts....so much....i can't breathe. but it's my fault anyway...there's no one else to blame but myself.

i wish i could learn to recover faster...i wish it won't hurt this bad knowing abt someone new in his life. i wish i could move on easier when i tried to leave the past behind. i wish i can get back to my cheerful and funny self. i know i am better than this. i have been through more difficult times in the past...and i've survived...scarred but stronger...and hopefully wiser.

i left the past....to stop making a fool of myself. but i know i should learn to face it again someday...when i learn to stop dreaming...and hoping...and wishing that everything will still be the same.